An Tir · Arts and Sciences · Tir Righ

A&S entry insists the earth is flat

SHIRE OF APPLEDORE, PRINCIPALITY OF TIR RIGH, AN TIR: In a surprising development at Kingdom Arts and Sciences, Lord Marcus de Sergent and Lady Beatrice atte Stele presented a controversial entry claiming that they could prove that the world was flat, and that medieval writings describing the Earth as spherical are actually modern-day forgeries, designed to further the Spherical Earth Conspiracy.

Lord Marcus and Lady Beatrice pointed to works by the Mesopotamians, the ancient Greeks, the early Norse, and ancient China as evidence, as well as select quotations from Catholic authors such as St. Augustine. When The SCAllion asked Lord Marcus to elaborate on his theory, he happily stated, “Look, the earliest writings of mankind talk about a flat Earth. The concept of a spherical Earth occurs some time around the 6th century BCE, why was no mention of a spherical Earth ever made before? It’s not like the Earth suddenly became round. It’s pretty clear that Big Spherical Earth thought that planting forgeries dating to then would be sufficient to convince people. Wake up to the big lie!” The SCAllion asked Lord Marcus and Lady Beatrice to explain how eclipses happened, upon which Lord Marcus showed us an elaborate flat Earth model that could allegedly explain eclipses. “See, it’s simple. Don’t be fooled by Big Spherical Earth! I mean, look at this modern model of the universe and then look at the Mappa Mundi in Hereford. Look at how similar they are. Just because they lived in the Middle Ages doesn’t mean that they were stupid. They were smart people! Understood astronomy, complex engineering, effective and efficient political systems… why shouldn’t we take their maps at face value?”

When asked for comment, Master Mishal ibn Qays al-Majnuni, the Kingdom Minister of Arts & Sciences and a high school physics and astronomy teacher, simply held his head in his hand and moaned. He then poured a liberal helping of whiskey into his mug and downed it. “I deal with this BS every day in school, and now you jokers want to bring it here? I’m disqualifying this entry.”

Lord Marcus claimed that this was further proof of Big Spherical Earth’s stranglehold on the world. “Wake up sheeple! Wake up!”

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