BARONY OF STORVIK, ATLANTIA – In a SCAllion exclusive, Congressman George Santos insisted yesterday in a statement that his claims of being “King of Lochac more times than anyone” were, in his words, “exaggerated.”
“Did I embellish my SCA resume?” he asked. “Yes I did. And that was wrong, but the greater wrong here is questioning my honor.”
On learning that Santos had claimed to be a Lochacian super-Duke, SCAllion staff searched the Lochac Order of Precedence extensively and found no record of “Anthony de Vannes”, raising serious doubts about his claims.
Santos has previously claimed to have been “at the party”, despite being born 20 years after the party was held, and to have created the Order of Defense despite no record of his membership on the Board of Directors.
Mushir Al-ʻŪmānī Umm Fayyal, an actual repeated King of Lochac, was outraged at Santos’s allegations: “it takes real hard work to get to the top, mate, and then here comes this bogan claiming he’s done it more times than I have! He needs to shut his cakehole, cause I’m as mad as a cut snake, and he needs to watch it!”
Countess Maria Francisca Brasa of the Barony of Stierbach told The Scallion, “He seemed so nice and genuine, and said he wanted to fight for me and make me a Duchess. I believed him, of course, when he said he’d won Lochac Crown many times. I mean, he’s a Duke, why would I impugn his honor by not believing him?”
The Lochac College of Heralds has not responded to our request for comment at the time of publication.
the SCAllion 
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