ROYAL PROVINCE OF OSTGARDR, EAST KINGDOM – The East Kingdom has been split up, thanks to the divorce of a power couple from House Wombat and a modern judge who has had enough of their divorce proceedings.
Court documents obtained by the SCAllion show that Judge Roderick Vale ended their ruling with the statement, “I don’t know what this group is, and I don’t care. You are directed to split the group up between you in whatever way the group agrees to. I have enough contacts in non-profit law to force a division of this kingdom-thing, so make it happen. Now get out of my courtroom.”
Dame Rowan Langholm was happy to consent to an interview. “F that household. F the Southern Region. F that dirtbag. Actually, don’t. I want his d*** to fall off! What? Right. I’m so happy to be back in my home Barony of Carolingia! I’m also pleased that the SocSen was so expedient in dividing the kingdom per the court’s order. I’ll be queen by right of arms within a year. YOU HEAR THAT, YOU PIECE OF S***?! YEAH, F YOU!”
“It sort of reminds me of the bad blood between Æthelmearc and the East when Æthelmearc went kingdom. I think I am getting flashbacks,” says Thrune Oakhammer of Æthelmearc, “Oh no, wait, that’s my blood pressure medication.”
Johnnes Schwartzwald, a squire to Sir Michel Fernandez, both from Panther Vale, was ecstatic. “My knight might actually be able to make the final 16 in Crown! This is amazing!”
Members of House Wombat refused to comment directly, but we heard one comment as he walked away, “I’m just glad we don’t need to leave the Southern Region anymore.”
Miryam bat Avraham, seneschal of Tir Mara, didn’t find out about the change until sending quarterly reports: “What? Someone could have bloody well told us this was going on!”
An event is being planned to determine which half will retain the name and heraldry of the East.