Heavy Fighters against CTE research, but can’t remember why.

BARONY OF BRONZEHELM, ARTEMISIA – Kingdom rattan fighters are rallying against new safety guidance from the Society Earl Marshal on the heels of a damning report released by the Mayo Clinic last month. “I don’t feel like there’s any real danger in clubbing my friend in the head till they yield,” said Lord Darius Magnus Titus. “They knew what they signed up for. At least I think I know what I signed up for. I don’t really remember to be honest. I just know I love fighting!”

Researchers at the prestigious hospital published recent findings from their most recent Chronic Traumatic Encephalopathy research. “Getting hit in the head at any level is bad for you. The effects of multiple or compounding mild or micro-concussions have the cumulative effect of one or two major concussions, while also not giving the brain any time to heal between them,” Dr. Stephen Patel stated. “Seriously, doing any sport or activity where getting hit in the head is encouraged is an absurdly horrible idea.”

The Society Earl Marshal’s new guidance is not solid rules against fighting with concussion but rather strong suggestions that fighters consider any blow to the head as “good” and that they sit out for at least 30 min after any headshot. It also directs marshals to examine helmet padding for sufficient protection before every practice and event.

“Nobody here has ever had any problems,” three-time Duke and experimental steel fighter Sir Maximilian de Chiverny said. “I think we as a fighting community would be open to talking about any long lasting negative effects our sport has on one of us. But really, I have no memory… of it coming up before.”

When shown the research data the Kingdom Earl Marshal listed a number of reasons why this might not apply to SCA fighting. “I’m no doctor, but it seems to me that people aren’t taking into account the mass of the helmet. Helmet mass and padding does a lot to help stave off concussions. Maybe if those NFL players strapped a good 17-pound steel barrel helm on their head you’d see less injuries in their sport.”

The NFL declined to comment for this story.