SHIRE OF TALMERE, MERIDIES – In a shocking development during a routine Meridian College of Heralds decision meeting, Pennon Herald presided over a controversial series of submissions. Sir Humperdinck Gilders wanted to celebrate his own “cultural heritage” in the wake of current DEI initiatives. The SCAllion was invited to the internal decision meeting where Sir Humperdinck’s 14 submissions were discussed.
The first submission, blazoned as “Sable, a mullet within a saltire voided argent,” was immediately shut down as a direct conflict with Meridies’ now-retired populace badge. Sir Humperdinck’s other variants included a black and white version of the so-called Stainless Banner, as well as black and white versions of the Stars and Bars, and color inverted versions of the same.
Lady Lillian Roberts, Pennon Herald, referred all badges up to the society College of Arms for the Wreath Sovereign of Arms to be the decision maker on these items, stating, “Let them sort this out; this is way above my paygrade.”
Upon the items in question reaching Wreath’s desk, The SCAllion is told that Wreath took one look at them and returned the lot, with a stern cover note stating that “The South is not going to rise on our watch. The South was beaten and needs to stay beaten. I’ve seen baronages with longer terms than the damn Confederacy!”
When asked for comment, Sir Humperdinck was rather indignant; “This is discrimination, is what this is! This isn’t about hate, this is about my heritage! I am a proud white Southern man, with a proud heritage, displaying my Southern Pride. General Lee was a hero, fighting for the Lost Cause, and his contribution deserves to be celebrated! This is discrimination. I am proud of my heritage and deserve to be able to display that.”
The Laurel Sovereign’s office responded to these remarks by sending The SCAllion a link to the United States Army Chorus singing the Battle Hymn of the Republic.