Day: March 2, 2023

Chivalry · Heraldry · King · Northshield · Peerage · Queen · Royal Peer

Herald, Queen face backlash for calling out Peers

scallioneditorialteamLeave a comment

BARONY OF CAER ANTERTH MAWR, NORTHSHIELD – In a move surprising only in how long overdue it was, Their Majesties called out the “bad Peers” at the back of court for talking so loudly that they drowned out the proceedings during Their Majesties’ evening court at Lupercalia last weekend.

“The hall was really loud and we couldn’t hear what was going on,” said Baronne Phillippe Boulanger, who witnessed the events, “and the herald asked the crowd multiple times to please be quiet so people could hear when they were called up.”

The “bad Peers at the back of court,” as they like to be known, are those individuals with (or without) peerages who stand at the back of the hall and use the court period to gossip and chat. It is sometimes presented as an honor to be invited into their club, but the herald was having none of it.

About an hour into court, one award recipient reportedly burst into tears because very few people cheered them at the cue, which they thought was a statement of opinion from the crowd. At this development, the herald seems to have finally snapped, and stalked to the edge of the stage to start berating the gaggle of gossips at the back of the hall at volume and with perfect diction. Magister Odo Seynt Giles, modernly a middle school English and drama teacher, was heard to bellow, “I deal with middle schoolers every day of the week, and if you insist on behaving like spoiled twelve-year-olds, then so help me, I will treat you accordingly!”

The normally cheerful and easy-going herald continued in this vein, expressing his profound disappointment at the appalling lack of peerlike qualities on display and the staggering degree of rudeness being exhibited “by those whom we would expect know better.” While several people in various peerage regalia were observed either slinking out of the room or finding a seat to watch in chastened silence, the majority of the group ignored the herald and blithely continued their conversations unabated.

“They didn’t even notice or stop when Her Majesty instructed the herald to call the offenders into court,” continued Baronne Phillippe,”but you bet they paid attention when the herald summoned them by name to come before the Crown and account for their behavior! And when the Guard headed down the hall to enforce it, some of them looked like they might run, but a lot of them got in line when She had the herald read a two hour banishment from the Presence for those who refused. She only hit the Peers, though.”

At the event, reactions to the herald’s dressing down of the “bad Peers” and Her Majesty’s subsequent actions were mixed, with some people cheering and applauding, and others muttering in anger and resentment.

“I have never been so offended before,” huffed Duke Carbonel Vitalis, one of the chief offenders. “Forced to apologize for perfectly reasonable behavior! Me! I have been king five times, and I have never seen such an outrage! That herald interrupted me in the middle of a really good joke, so I didn’t even get to finish it. When I was king…” At this point, The SCAllion reporter tuned out and went to collect other reactions.

“Banishment is not a tool to cow others into obedience!” complained Sir Robert le Blund, one of those escorted out. “We should be able to have a conversation at the back of court! We were just demonstrating how the tournament had gone and laughing at each other’s jokes! I don’t see why I should have to apologize for that! This is a clear abuse of authority by the Crown.”

Lady Khalilah bint Suliman al Baghdadi, on the other hand, was grateful. “I was having a really hard time hearing what was going on up front because of the people in the back being loud,” she said, “My sister missed the herald calling her name for her AoA! I’ve been waiting for someone to call those people out since I started 5 years ago. I couldn’t do it myself because I knew that I would be ignored and possibly ostracized for daring to speak up. But I loved that the herald just laid into them like that! And then the Queen made them come up and apologize! To the rest of us! In front of everyone! It was amazing.”

Her sister, Lady Cécile d’Anjou, added, “I knew Magister Odo could project, being a herald, but I had no idea he could get that loud! It was pretty impressive.”

Reactions online were also mixed, but those who were at the event mostly came down in favor, while those who had not attended called it an overreaction and a witch hunt.

The SCAllion notes that the banishment lasted all of two hours, so that the people involved were still able to sit to feast afterwards.

Aethelmearc · Armored Combat · Board of Directors · Chivalry · Peerage · Rapier Combat · Royal Peer · Sanctions

BREAKING: Pennsic Lifeguard removed from office for refusing to allow alligators in lake

scallioneditorialteam4 Comments

BARONY OF DEBATABLE LANDS, ÆTHELMEARC – Due to a freak carrier pigeon accident, a missive from last Pennsic has only just now reached The SCAllion’s offices.  Witnesses report that, in a stunning chain of events, the head lifeguard was abruptly removed from office for enforcing the site and safety rules.

“Duke Eneas MacGillacahir appeared at the lake during open swim with two medium-size alligators, and attempted to put them in the water,” an observer on the scene told The SCAllion on condition of anonymity. “The lifeguard in charge saw the ‘gators, and immediately called a stop to it.”  The lifeguard reportedly cited that it was a violation of the site’s rules to release hazardous invasive reptiles anywhere on the property, allowing the alligators in the lake would cause a safety hazard for all swimmers, and, after His Grace objected loudly and at length about his “rights”, and that Duke Eneas was not respecting the duly authorized authority of safety personnel.

Duke Eneas immediately called his Kingdom Seneschal, Master Jost von Hesselstein, who overruled the lifeguard over the phone, declaring that the alligators were permitted in the pool because they were Duke Eneas’s guests and hospitality is “a value to be held sacred.”  Master Jost then fired the lifeguard who had sanctioned Duke Eneas and swimming was permitted to continue.

Master Jost does not swim, and has never been to Pennsic, much less in the lake.

In a closed session, the Board of Directors not only upheld Master Jost’s decision, it ruled that all lifeguards will be removed from their positions and prohibited from swimming themselves for six months.  Reached for comment, spokesperson for the Board of Directors Duchess Merione Ferquair of Melby said that, of course Master Jost acted correctly, because Duke Eneas’s enjoyment of the water with his alligator guests was just as important as the combined safety of the rest of the swimming community.

When The SCAllion reached out to the former Pennsic lifeguard for comment, the lifeguard said that they had been forbidden by the Board of Directors from speaking about the sanction.

Aethelmearc · Armored Combat · Combat Archery · Royal Peer

Time Traveling Knight of the SCA returns from Agincourt; immediately begins supporting Additional Peerage

scallioneditorialteamLeave a comment

SHIRE OF NITHGAARD, ÆTHELMEARC – Duke William of Fossmore, who in modern life is a theoretical physics researcher at Penn State, recently returned after his first trip in his new time machine. He travelled to “get the real story” about the battle of Agincourt because “those archers are always claiming it was they who won it when we all know it really was just Harry’s Speech.” 

His research assistants and grad students had a hard time getting the story out of Duke William, but it seems he materialized on the French side of the battle. When interviewed by The SCAllion they reported that he kept muttering “arrows… everywhere, arrows…” “They’re coming out of the goddamn trees!!” and “oh gods… they just slaughtered fallen knights not caring about ransom!” Once His Grace calmed down he immediately contacted the Society Board of Directors and gave a well-reasoned and passionate argument in support of the new archery/omnibus Peerage.

Duke William concluded his missive with: “My gods, maybe if they get the archery peerage it will calm them down enough so they don’t start taking daggers to us when we’re downed at Pennsic.” He immediately destroyed the time machine and all his research shortly thereafter because “there are things which are too upsetting to know the truth of.”