BARONY OF DEBATABLE LANDS, ÆTHELMEARC – Due to a freak carrier pigeon accident, a missive from last Pennsic has only just now reached The SCAllion’s offices. Witnesses report that, in a stunning chain of events, the head lifeguard was abruptly removed from office for enforcing the site and safety rules.
“Duke Eneas MacGillacahir appeared at the lake during open swim with two medium-size alligators, and attempted to put them in the water,” an observer on the scene told The SCAllion on condition of anonymity. “The lifeguard in charge saw the ‘gators, and immediately called a stop to it.” The lifeguard reportedly cited that it was a violation of the site’s rules to release hazardous invasive reptiles anywhere on the property, allowing the alligators in the lake would cause a safety hazard for all swimmers, and, after His Grace objected loudly and at length about his “rights”, and that Duke Eneas was not respecting the duly authorized authority of safety personnel.
Duke Eneas immediately called his Kingdom Seneschal, Master Jost von Hesselstein, who overruled the lifeguard over the phone, declaring that the alligators were permitted in the pool because they were Duke Eneas’s guests and hospitality is “a value to be held sacred.” Master Jost then fired the lifeguard who had sanctioned Duke Eneas and swimming was permitted to continue.
Master Jost does not swim, and has never been to Pennsic, much less in the lake.
In a closed session, the Board of Directors not only upheld Master Jost’s decision, it ruled that all lifeguards will be removed from their positions and prohibited from swimming themselves for six months. Reached for comment, spokesperson for the Board of Directors Duchess Merione Ferquair of Melby said that, of course Master Jost acted correctly, because Duke Eneas’s enjoyment of the water with his alligator guests was just as important as the combined safety of the rest of the swimming community.
When The SCAllion reached out to the former Pennsic lifeguard for comment, the lifeguard said that they had been forbidden by the Board of Directors from speaking about the sanction.
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His Grace could not be reached for comment because the alligators ate him.
I have no idea who wrote this, but if I ever find out, I will buy you a case of Canadian beer or make you a case of your favourite flavour of mead.