Day: March 17, 2023

Board of Directors · Leeks

Board of Directors locates every letter sent to their email address 

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BARONY OF BODLINGTONE, KINGDOM OF BODLANDIA – After a small fire in the facility which houses the Society’s storage unit, it was discovered that the Board Archives physically contain the entire history of emails sent to the Board for the last eight years. The storage unit contained nothing more than a wireless router, a Windows XP PC, an IBM 4224 line printer, and boxes upon boxes of paper ganged together. The system had been merrily printing away every email since at least 2015, as the earliest emails which could be found were concerning the establishment of the Order of Defense. The antiquated system was then found to automatically and systematically delete the emails from the server. 

The Board Chairperson Duchess Anne of Autumn, when reached for comment through social media, told The SCAllion that they were astonished about the find. “Really, we thought nothing was wrong in the Society since people were not contacting us through approved means.” Board Member Henry Och added “Really? That’s… interesting… I guess we will finally read those emails and act on the problems which I guess the Society has. Really… we just thought everything was fine.” 

Recent emails, though printed faintly, were still rather legible because IBM 4224 printers are bulletproof (the steel model is quite literally bulletproof).

As The SCAllion reporters were leaving, they overheard a Board member exclaim “Wait, So that SCAllion article was a metaphor for something which is actually happening?” Another was overheard as saying “oh my nuggans… so many Nazis…”  

archery · Armored Combat · Combat Archery · Gulf Wars · King · Knowne World

Telling blows up 14% over 2022, hundreds slain in “War With No Enemies”

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SHIRE OF DRAGOUN’S WEAL, GLEANN ABHANN – Data released from Gulf Wars suggests that telling blows are up 14% over last year, with over 8,000 casualties reported in the ongoing “War with no enemies.”

Local officials were quick to note that the traditional Thursday thunderstorms were absent this year, leading to an unusual occurrence where all war points were held.

“The fact of the matter is we usually lose at least one battle to weather,” a Gulf Wars representative said. “We had about 15% more war, so it makes sense that we had about 15% more casualties.”

The SCAllion caught up with Erzog Lefrich on the side of the ravine, taking a moment before resurrecting to add tape to his knee cop. “It sucks, you know,” he said. “But that’s what it means to follow your King on campaign. You gather your gear when he calls, and kiss your family goodbye, knowing you may not see them again,” adding “until dinner.”

Asked if he was scared, Lefrich thought for a moment. “There’s not really time to be scared on the shieldwall,” he said, “There are things that I dread, though. I don’t want to die, no one does. The walk to and from Resurrection Point is kind of a trek. But the worst is going out there and dying from an anonymous crossbow bolt before you ever get to do hero shit.”

Gulf Wars typically has about 7,200 casualties, and accounts for a real-world cost of up to 30,000 days of PTO.