Advice · From the Newsroom · Laurel · Peerage

Goody Advice: Introverts, alcohol-free, and more

Dear Goody, 
My husband, also a Laurel, is hitting on my apprentice. She is apparently receptive. 
Pissed Laurel

Dear Pissed, 

May I suggest couples’ therapy or therapy for your spouse? If he is hitting on your apprentice and is a peer and also the husband of her peer, your apprentice is in a really shitty spot. She might feel that she has to appear receptive to please someone in the circle she hopes to join one day. Your husband is a man in a position of power over your associate and he is being an absolute dick. Sure, your associate may have a bit of a crush on your spouse because of how they look, behave toward them, or how they art. However, he’s the one making the advances and I find it unlikely that your apprentice entered a relationship with you to get closer to your guy. Unless she begins dressing exactly like you and dyes her hair to match yours, she isn’t the issue. 

Your husband is. Talk to him and lay out some hard truths. Then, if your relationship is something you want to continue, get him some therapy. He seriously needs it.

Hope this helps!
-Goody Advice

Dear Goody,
I’m a timid introvert who is horrible at remembering people’s names, and barely know anyone in the SCA. How can I find my people?

Dear Timid, 

You have to do at least a little of the heavy lifting when finding your tribe. Pick up the event schedule. Find the things that interest you. Go to them. When you get there, introduce yourself and tell people you are new. Admit you are bad with names. Half of the SCA is shit at this.

After this, just be open and willing to have new experiences. Keep a small notebook in your bag or pouch and write down names and descriptions of people. Ask if you can snap a quick pic with your phone and label it with the name of the person in the photo. When you find people you enjoy, you can take that photo and use it to help memorize name and face together. Set a goal of meeting two new people or one new person per event and learn their name. Even if you don’t entirely vibe with them, their similar interests and your new connection can help introduce you to more people at the next event, and those might be your people. 

But you have to try and put in the work. Making new friends is worth the effort, especially in the SCA where they can often become like family. Get your notebook and phone and get to it. You have your people to find and they will probably be pissed that you didn’t find them sooner. We’re assholes like that, but you’ll love us.

Hope this helps!

-Goody Advice

Dear Goody, 
How do I have fun in the SCA without alcohol?
Happily Sober

Dear Sober,

Well, it’s actually quite easy. Many evening activities at camping events can be deeply enjoyed, and perhaps best enjoyed, sans alcohol. Period dance is not for the sloshed as just one English country dance can put you on your ass while sober. Subsequent rounds of dance only increase those odds especially in shoes with smooth soles. Bardic is actually better when you can remember the words to a song or poem rather than slurring into “I forget” and swearing. Gaming requires no alcohol, but it does help if your opponent is imbibing while you are not. Nothing like slow reaction time and distraction to improve your strategic attitude! 

As for the sunlit hours, day drinking seems like great fun but often knocks a person out of the event by late afternoon or evening. Staying hydrated during an event while fighting, performing service or sweating through an art/sci is much easier without booze and pretty much ensures a less shitty morning on the following day. However, sometimes the hardest part is finding a non-alcoholic beverage at a party, so be sure to bring your drink of choice with you. 

One of the best suggestions I can give is to find someone else who is also not indulging. It is preferred that this accomplice have a wicked sense of humor. Find yourselves a nice overlook and sip your soda, pop, sparkling water, tea, kombucha or whatever you enjoy while watching a raging party devolve into a dumpster fire. Try narrating what you see in the style of a documentary program, commenting like movie critics or go absolutely MST3K. You will not be disappointed by this.

Hope this helps!

-Goody Advice

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