SCALLION SPORTS: Order of the Laurel’s two most popular pasttimes officially designated as tournament competitions: gatekeeping and goalpost-moving

BARONY OF BODLINGTONE, KINGDOM OF BODLANDIA — It was announced yesterday that the Board of Directors has teamed up with the Society Marshal and the Order of the Laurel to add two new forms of combat to all official tournaments. The new additions – gatekeeping and goalpost-moving – have long been practiced by the Order of the Laurel, but the move to tournament form is intended to bring both activities to a broader audience and new levels of excellence.

The Board called the move “the most comprehensive evolution” in the history of tournament sports. The two sports offer a key focus on peer-like qualities, which is at the heart of the Board’s vision for all tournaments moving forward. Both represent a combination of well-established and emerging combat with significant popularity in the Order of the Laurel,  though it is in many Grant-level polling awards that one sees the most cutthroat competition. Goalpost-moving and gatekeeping can both take the form of team and individual combat; indoor and outdoor combat; and local or Kingdom-level combat.

It is expected that both activities will hold a strong appeal to youth, as the teenage years are often when the skills needed to be a champion gatekeeper and goalpost-mover are honed. As with all youth combat activities, waivers will be required, though the waivers for these two new activities require not just the signature of a parent, but also of the competitor’s therapist, their supervising psychiatrist, and a licensed social worker affiliated with the local child protection agency.

Certainly, there is buzz and excitement about these new additions. Maybe not as much as for sealioning, which will debut at the next DEI symposium, but there is still plenty of intrigue among fans of Knowne World tournaments.

The move is not without its opponents, however. Lists volunteers are up in arms about how they are expected to incorporate the new competitions into the current tournament format when the only rule that has been made public states that any competitor who attempts to enter the tournament for either sport is automatically disqualified on the grounds of having shown an interest in winning. Unlike established forms of combat, no handbook or written requirements will be released to the populace.

“We have to be very selective about allowing people to compete,” said the Society Marshal in a joint statement with the Order of the Laurel, “Not just anybody has what it takes to be a champion. It’s difficult to describe the qualities that we’re looking for, but we’ll let the competitors know when we see them.”