Advice · From the Newsroom · Laurel

Goody Advice: Letting go, celebration, and more

Do you have a burning question about a situation that happened in the SCA and want to ask Goody? You can write to Goody at this form. Questions may be truncated for publication, and submitted questions may not be answered.

Dear Goody,
My spouse recently passed away and suddenly SCAdians we haven’t spoken to in five years are messaging me asking for their belongings and saying things such as, “They would have wanted me to have this.” I have no intention of giving them anyway, but what is the courteous way of telling the populace to stand down? This is very overwhelming and I’m ready to just quit and set it all on fire.
– Mistress Arson

Dear Arson,

So, there is no courteous response to this largely because you are not being extended any courtesy. When others stop being polite to the point of being offensive, trying to insert themselves into the process of grief and shove through it as vultures must do when going out for supper, you are not required to be sweet to them and speak with kind words. Keep those for other people that you randomly meet on the street or in line getting coffee. They probably need it more.

The possessions of your spouse are yours. Period. End of statement.

Letting go of the belongings of a loved one is an emotional minefield with lots of extra and nasty surprises. You’ll find feelings and memories you did not know you had, or had entirely forgotten. It will break you over and over again. You have a lot of work ahead, so let’s address how to handle them. You only need to use a single word, written or spoken.

The word is No.

If you have to, say it louder. Type it in a bigger font. Use all caps and comic sans at the same time. You do not need to justify anything. Simply say no at the person until they go away. Ask your friends to do the same in support. I bet they will. If this happens at an SCA event or meeting and the person seems especially dense, say NO very loudly and repeatedly. With gusto. From the diaphragm. Project. Become a spectacle if you must because that will bring all the medieval kids to the yard and then bad behavior is on glorious display for everyone to see.

When a large number of people are staring at you and look horrified, it usually cuts poor requests off. Or, someone may help them along with finding their quiet. Remember that one word. Just say no to assholes.

Hope this helps!

Goody Advice

Dear Goody,  
It’s the SCA’s birthday and I’d like to celebrate, but I have a crisis. If I make a cake there won’t be enough people sharing it. Like, less than one half of one percent of the membership. That is so not fair. What do I do? 

Dear Pondering,

That is quite a pickle! Maybe just make a cake that is not very large? Perhaps cookies or cupcakes? Mini bundt cakes might be an option! It is easier to parcel out whole items if they don’t get eaten at your next SCA celebration. Handing out slices of cut cake to people who did not see the cake be cut is just very strange. Skip that. I believe petit fours are your best answer.

Hope this helps!

Goody Advice

Dear Goody,
I joined the SCA because I have an interest in history and historic costume, yet, every time I go on a group to ask a question about how to improve my garb a bevy of screechers descend upon me shrieking about how it’s only about having fun and how it doesn’t matter.  This IS my fun, and I am at a loss about how to enjoy my game when I cannot have a conversation about history with others over that perpetual, unpleasant din.  
-Loves Historic Garb

Dear Historic Garb,

Oh my, you found the screechers. Back away from them slowly and quietly. They are attracted to noise and motion. Once they have found a new target, run for the hills. Go straight to the Arts and Sciences person for your local group, or at your Kingdom level. Get on social media and look for your tribe. Ask if there is a tailors or garb guild of some sort. If there isn’t, ask to be pointed at the rabid garb Laurels. There are LOTS of them. Soon you will find yourself surrounded by improved company and having elevated conversations about historic costuming. Some of them may have to be paid, bribed or given baked goods to stop talking. I think you will be quite happy.

Hope this helps!

Goody Advice

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