BARONY OF BODLINGTONE, BODLANDIA – The Board of Directors announced the formation of a new investigative committee to address some recent concerns with the membership, sanctions, and community standards. The three person committee held a press conference to discuss their brief. First to speak was chairperson Baron Dion of Trumpington.
DT: “Thank you for coming to this briefing. It’s the best briefing, the most important briefing possibly of all the briefings in period. The BoD has sanctions, the best sanctions, the strongest sanctions, which is good, since this Board has been persecuted more than any board in history. Worst persecutions by these people, very bad people, and these sanctions are not being imposed on enough of these people, these bad people, from the most corrupt – really very bigly corrupt – parts of our society, our great society. God bless the SCA.”
The chair then passed the microphone to Josephine Von Stiehl, who informed The SCAllion that they preferred the gender-neutral title “Comrade.”
JS: “Comrades! Too long have we allowed the ideologically impure to pollute our body politic! There must be only correct thought in our structures and governance. Effective immediately all groups of Baronial level and higher will have another required officer, that of Political Officer, or Commissar, to ensure that the will of the people as articulated by the Board is being correctly interpreted and implemented.”
JS (cont): “There will also be a new five-year plan. That is to say all Board terms of office will be five years, with an automatic five year extension.”
Comrade Von Stiehl yielded to the final member, Count Joseph Talegonner.
JT: “I have here a list of over 125 woke-ists, marshalls, fencers, and late-period trouble-makers already occupying offices at Kingdom, Principality, and local levels! This is unacceptable. These troublemakers could cause damage to our great Board, I mean Society. Comrade von Stiehl and their Commissars will immediately begin sanction procedures under the new Community Standards guidelines.”
The SCAllion: “When will the new guidelines be published?”
DT: “The guidelines are the best guidelines, secret, very secret, as a matter of Corporate Security. This is the sort of gotcha question which the lame-stream bloggers, worst bloggers, not funny, very bad, and should be stopped.”
JS: “The guidelines are classified, which is why we’ve all got copies on our phones, laptops, and a few paper copies at our homes.”
The SCAllion: “Is this the beginning of a Corporate Inquisition?”
JT: “I didn’t expect that question. No, this is not an inquisition since we feel that we don’t need to ask any questions since we already know everything we need to know.”
With that the Unscadian Activities Committee closed the briefing. The SCAllion has been informed that going forward, meetings of the UAC will remain closed and off the record.
One thought on “New Board committee to investigate concerns with membership”
“Nerds on Lists” is the name of my Scallion cover band. It is not the greatest band in the knowne world, it is only a tribune.
What do you mean they’re not real FBI? It says so right on their hats.