BARONY OF HIDDEN MOUNTAIN, ATLANTIA – A biohazard quarantine area has been declared in an area of suburban Charleston in response to what SCAllion reporters have heard described as a “horrifying nightmare” of an armor bag. Ten square blocks have been cordoned off and the perimeter is currently surrounded by military personnel and people in hazmat suits.
Speaking with Cassandra Wilkes, 27, who offered to clear the air regarding the on-going situation. “I don’t do SCA, but my daddy did. I knew he had armor and fought and stuff. He passed last fall and we finally got to clearing some of his things. When I found his old army bag in the garage, I didn’t know what was in it, but lord preserve me!”
Stumbling unknowingly onto the armor bag of the late Lord Robert de Calais, she opened it to find a revolting moldy mass that had once been a gambeson and leather armor. “When I came to after passing out from the smell, I ran into the house and found a mask and a bottle of vodka. That kills mold, so I figured I’d pour it all in, maybe that would help. But I swear when I did, I heard it laugh! I think I even heard the words “more!” Whatever is in that bag ain’t natural no more!”
Following this failed effort, the deleterious effects of opening the bag began to spread through the neighborhood. “I mean, dogs started barking all over and I could hear coughing from the neighbor’s house. A car alarm even went off! I got out of there as quick as I could and called the police!”
Authorities on site refused further comment but indicated that there was no further immediate danger and the quarantine was out of an abundance of caution. Several people in hazmat suits could be seen carrying a large crate stamped “Specimen” in bold stenciled letters, escorted by soldiers with rifles out of the area.
The SCAllion offers its condolences to the Wilkes family for their recent loss and will continue to monitor the situation for developments.
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