Goody Advice: Feasts, Fencing, and more

May 28, 2023May 28, 2023 scallioneditorialteamLeave a comment

Do you have a burning question about a situation that happened in the SCA and want to ask Goody? You can write to Goody at this form. Questions may be truncated for publication, and submitted questions may not be answered.

Dear Goody,
I pride myself on being a feast cook who makes sure no one goes home hungry from anything I cook, and I make sure that the posted menu always says “the cook begs that you tell them about food sensitivities so that they can accommodate at [email].” A couple of weeks ago, someone complained after feast that they couldn’t eat anything but dessert. I posted the menu over a month in advance, I asked people to email me about food issues. This person didn’t talk to me beforehand or even at the event – they complained to my servers. And with their stated food issues, they should have been able to eat everything but the dessert. It hurts me that I had someone go home hungry, is there anything else I could have done?
-Compulsive Cook

Dear Cook,

You are an incredibly careful and considerate cook who goes above and beyond to feed your diners, even if they have difficulties with various ingredients. What you are not is a mind reader or omniscient deity of food who can rain down precise nectar and ambrosia. You are doing all that you should and then some, but it is not your problem if an attendee cannot take responsibility for themselves.

Our volunteer culture often lavishes the most remarkable foods and best service upon our SCA diners. However, there are those who repeatedly forget that they are getting an incredible meal for less than $20 a person, and that no one making or serving the meal is being paid for their work. As a cook, you do not work for these people. Rather, you create an experience of flavor and time and culture with your body, mind and soul and at the end most will be thankful, but there’s always ‘those people’ who will bitch.

If anyone complains to your servers about food, remind them that they are not in a resturaunt. If they still have complaints, give them their allotment of food on a tray and ask them to excuse themselves so everyone else can continue enjoying the meal. They aren’t paying you. They aren’t tipping your servers. They are not going to blast your business on Yelp. Just boot them.

Personal responsibility, care, consideration and manners are for everyone, not just event staff.

Hope this helps,

-Goody Advice

Dear Goody,
I’m an Olympic level fencer. Been playing about 8 months or so, mainly while serving as Queen’s Champion. I got authorized during the week before that event. My question: I should be expecting to be made a MoD at step down, right?
-Mighty Sword

Dear Mighty,

Mighty may be the sword, but mightier is the pen so please, read closely. Your prowess is delightful. It really is. Everyone is quite impressed by it. However, prowess and fighting does not (or should not) a Peer make. If this were just about sword prowess, you would still be standing in an echoing gymnasium full of white jacketed fencers or an empty field of sweaty and dusty fighters with sticks of rattan. However, you chose this medieval club and want to become a member of its highest awarded ranks.

A Peer must possess prowess in their primary form (fighting, art or service) but also be an adept leader who understands the SCA on a deeper level. Peers should know how to negotiate the Society’s requirements and needs to make local groups, events and Kingdoms happen. Otherwise, there is no SCA. Peers are often called up to hold offices and run events when others are unable or unwilling. So are the people who should be Peers, but that is for other advice.

Peers should teach. Without moving their primary form to the next generation of the Society, a person has merely been a bright flash. What we need is small fires that are kindled and added to, expanding into communities with teaching and inclusion. Peers start things that grow and take root, changing the SCA. This is often the path to peerage, not just the role of a Peer.

Peers must also be known. Your renown in prowess, leadership and training others in these fields should take your name far beyond you local group. This does not require a constant spotlight, but it does mean a bit of time and not being a dick. Consider that as you move forward in the Society and meet new people. You are constantly creating an impression and that memory will follow you for many years to come.

So no, you will likely not be a MOD at the upcoming event. Hopefully you now have a better understanding of what the populace, peerages and Crown will be looking for in you and can move forward with a deeper understanding.

Hope this helps,

-Goody Advice

Dear Goody,
I came out to my SCA friends as being trans and with that came a change in pronouns. That was several years ago, but I keep getting people insisting that my pronouns are the ones they think I should use. I’m tearing my hair out and about to sell off my gear and start raising goats in my backyard. How do I deal with people who don’t respect who I am?
-They

Dear They,

Individuals can legally change their last names when they get married and SCAdians sometimes change names and personas like the seasons. If your ‘friends’ cannot try, and try hard, to address you correctly, then are ‘they’ the sort of friends who ‘you’ should put your trust, care, effort and time into? Of course, people will make mistakes and slip up. I bet you understand that and are kind to them, even if you have to clench your jaw a bit.

Moving to they/them pronouns seems to be especially hard for many people to grasp because they have little experience with not gendering a person or, it can be linguistically awkward at first. Still, these are small barriers to break through. The issue of properly addressing a friend, no matter the name or pronoun comes down to being a good, kind and thoughtful friend. If someone wants to change, they can but may need help. If they ask for help, try to be lenient and teach. If someone does not want to change, well, it does become a bit glaringly obvious, no?

Make the choices that are best for ‘you’, not for ‘them’ even if it may mean a few less ‘friends’. To be very honest, in the end you will still have precisely the same number of friends. It will just be more obvious.

Hope this helps,

Goody Advice

Advice · Arts and Sciences · Audience Participation · From the Newsroom · Laurel · Peerage · Pelican

Goody Advice: Wall art, competitions, and more

May 21, 2023May 20, 2023 scallioneditorialteamLeave a comment

Dear Goody,
I have a large empty space on my wall, which has been reserved for my Laurel and Pelican scrolls. After nearly 30 years of waiting for them, should I just give up and use the space for pictures of my grandchildren? Failing that, do you know any calligraphers/illuminators who’d be interested in a paying job?
-Illuminated Admirer

Dear Illuminated,

If you have been a peer for 30 years and not gotten peerage scrolls, then yes, it is time to take matters into your own hands. Find out what your Kingdom requires for a scroll to be ‘official’. Gather the dates of elevations, events, and Crowns. Make a list of the things you like best- heraldry, colors, creatures, symbols, something to represent people who helped you. Have your full arms and blazon. Go look at what kind of art you like and make a collection of images with the book and page details for each manuscript. Then find a scribe.

Start with your kingdom scribal guild or college. Try Laurels in scribal arts. Throw the project out on social media with what you are seeking. If you don’t get local hits, there are multi kingdom and society wide interest groups for everything, including scribal arts and that will probably be a pond with many fish. If someone is interested, ask to see some of their previous work to make sure you like their styles. Not every scribe is the same. When you find the right person, negotiate and put together a contract that includes payment and deadlines. Give your scribe all of the information you have collected and talk with them about your likes and dislikes.

Together, you will make beautiful art.

Hope this helps!

Goody Advice

Dear Goody,
I entered an A&S competition and had a really bad experience. The judges didn’t know us much as I did about my project and didn’t give good feedback. I don’t want to compete anymore, but I’m not sure how else can I advance in my art and get recognition.
Thanks,
I had a Bad Experience

Dear Experience,

You had what Granny would call a learning experience. They suck. Hard. So, rather than a bad experience, you had an experience in which you discovered pitfalls of the arts and sciences program of the SCA. Judging is subjective. Each judge has a different opinion and bar they feel you need to exceed. Some judges are just dicks.

You have options, and a lot of them. So, time to choose your own adventure.

Work on your art or science by yourself and maybe meet some people along the way who also find it cool. Ignore the arts community at large and just become painfully skilled at what you do. This road is very lonely.

Seek out the others who also enjoy your art and join their guild or form a new one, even if it is informal. Work together to elevate the art and knowledge of every member and start teaching so you can catch new members for your group. Reel them in. Research. Become subject matter experts and fantastic at your art or craft. This is far less lonely and works better for extroverts.

You can find yourself a decent Laurel to work with. Having the protection of a peer can be very helpful when navigating the Art/Sci system. Improve and research and use the guidance and mentoring you are given to focus yourself and hone your work.

There are display only Art/Sci events. If you don’t have them near you, start one! No one is scored, but you can receive validation verbally if you stay with your entry. You may also receive tokens from those who pass by and enjoy your art. Some may have notes attached. Extensive notes. Make friends with those people and plot more exhibitions for artists.

Demos! At events, a small group of people or a single artist can demo their work by setting up a table or small area and working on their craft. You can just talk to people who walk up and are interested. Hang a sign that reads “[Insert art here], come talk to me/us!”. This actually works. Make sure to check with event stewards to obtain a spot at the event for your demo and to make sure that you can do what you want, or if you will just have to present static pieces and speak to people. Some sites prohibit water, flame, dyes, ink, glass and more.

Also, there is the option of changing the system from within. You can become part of the Art/Sci community that runs competitions and works with Art/Sci ministers. Start with paperwork or signup sheets and work your way up. Find solutions to problems and present them in a helpful way, rather than just state problems. You will gain much more traction this way.

So, there are a few options to get you started. Feel free to mix and match. Do be sure to surround yourself with the type of people who will help create positive change and new opportunities. Be the change you want to see in the SCA.

Hope this helps!

Goody Advice

Dear Goody,
I’ve been embezzling money from my local branch for years and the members have had the gall to bring charges against me. How do I convince them that fraud, embezzlement and theft are documented Period Practice?
Sincerely,
-Pending Laurel

Dear Pending,

Would you be so kind as to send me your contact information? Your research is fascinating and I want to make sure that you are recognized for your efforts! I am certain there are people who will deeply appreciate the depths of your endeavors. Let’s make sure you can receive the proper rewards for your deeds!

Best,

-Goody Advice

From the Newsroom · History · Knowne World

A peek behind the scenes at The SCAllion

May 20, 2023May 19, 2023 scallioneditorialteamLeave a comment

RIDING OF HOLLEKE TOR, KINGDOM OF AETHER – In response to some actual questions from putative readers of The SCAllion via our contact form, the Editor-in-Chief has authorized a short behind the scenes release into how some of the sausage is made. Not all of the sausage, of course, some mystery must be retained. Let us invite you now into the notional room where it happens.

The SCAllion, like any modern workplace, is divided into departments even if those departments are mostly vague conceptions in the minds of the staff, and any SCAllion org chart would resemble some sort of fractal bowl of particularly stringy pasta. However, today, after a short break for lunch, since we’ve suddenly become peckish, we’ll talk about one of the most critical departments: the Department for Whimsy And Related Fun.

DWARF is the department that lives in all of our heads and reminds us that, while venting vituperation on the vituperable and heaping scorn on the scorn-worthy is a healthy release and provides a positive social service, part of the point is to be funny. Not all articles have to be Pulitzer-contending exposés, some can just be whimsical explorations of some of the odd corners of the hobby which matters a great deal to us, or flights of fancy about how the SCA interacts with the larger world and culture. In short, while we are happy, nay, delighted to arouse righteous indignation, and skewer those topics, stereotypes, and sometimes even people which need a bit of deflation, we want it to be fun for us to write, and for you to read.
We here at The SCAllion hope you have enjoyed this backstage tour of our DWARF. If there is a next time, we might talk about the Shenaniganery, another important string to our quiver.

Laurel · From the Newsroom · Advice

Goody Advice: Letting go, celebration, and more

May 14, 2023May 13, 2023 scallioneditorialteamLeave a comment

Dear Goody,
My spouse recently passed away and suddenly SCAdians we haven’t spoken to in five years are messaging me asking for their belongings and saying things such as, “They would have wanted me to have this.” I have no intention of giving them anyway, but what is the courteous way of telling the populace to stand down? This is very overwhelming and I’m ready to just quit and set it all on fire.
– Mistress Arson

Dear Arson,

So, there is no courteous response to this largely because you are not being extended any courtesy. When others stop being polite to the point of being offensive, trying to insert themselves into the process of grief and shove through it as vultures must do when going out for supper, you are not required to be sweet to them and speak with kind words. Keep those for other people that you randomly meet on the street or in line getting coffee. They probably need it more.

The possessions of your spouse are yours. Period. End of statement.

Letting go of the belongings of a loved one is an emotional minefield with lots of extra and nasty surprises. You’ll find feelings and memories you did not know you had, or had entirely forgotten. It will break you over and over again. You have a lot of work ahead, so let’s address how to handle them. You only need to use a single word, written or spoken.

The word is No.

If you have to, say it louder. Type it in a bigger font. Use all caps and comic sans at the same time. You do not need to justify anything. Simply say no at the person until they go away. Ask your friends to do the same in support. I bet they will. If this happens at an SCA event or meeting and the person seems especially dense, say NO very loudly and repeatedly. With gusto. From the diaphragm. Project. Become a spectacle if you must because that will bring all the medieval kids to the yard and then bad behavior is on glorious display for everyone to see.

When a large number of people are staring at you and look horrified, it usually cuts poor requests off. Or, someone may help them along with finding their quiet. Remember that one word. Just say no to assholes.

Hope this helps!

Goody Advice

Dear Goody,
It’s the SCA’s birthday and I’d like to celebrate, but I have a crisis. If I make a cake there won’t be enough people sharing it. Like, less than one half of one percent of the membership. That is so not fair. What do I do?
-Pondering

Dear Pondering,

That is quite a pickle! Maybe just make a cake that is not very large? Perhaps cookies or cupcakes? Mini bundt cakes might be an option! It is easier to parcel out whole items if they don’t get eaten at your next SCA celebration. Handing out slices of cut cake to people who did not see the cake be cut is just very strange. Skip that. I believe petit fours are your best answer.

Hope this helps!

Goody Advice

Dear Goody,
I joined the SCA because I have an interest in history and historic costume, yet, every time I go on a group to ask a question about how to improve my garb a bevy of screechers descend upon me shrieking about how it’s only about having fun and how it doesn’t matter. This IS my fun, and I am at a loss about how to enjoy my game when I cannot have a conversation about history with others over that perpetual, unpleasant din.
-Loves Historic Garb

Dear Historic Garb,

Oh my, you found the screechers. Back away from them slowly and quietly. They are attracted to noise and motion. Once they have found a new target, run for the hills. Go straight to the Arts and Sciences person for your local group, or at your Kingdom level. Get on social media and look for your tribe. Ask if there is a tailors or garb guild of some sort. If there isn’t, ask to be pointed at the rabid garb Laurels. There are LOTS of them. Soon you will find yourself surrounded by improved company and having elevated conversations about historic costuming. Some of them may have to be paid, bribed or given baked goods to stop talking. I think you will be quite happy.

Hope this helps!

Goody Advice

From the Newsroom · Real Life

Announcement: inspired by WGA strike, SCAllion reporters have opted to unionize.

May 13, 2023May 12, 2023 scallioneditorialteam1 Comment

BARONY OF HOLLEKE TOR, KINGDOM OF AETHER – When the suggestion was made, the entirety of the newsroom agreed to start unionizing immediately, citing the long and underpaid hours spent researching regulations about alligators and their status as an invasive species, reporting on the Society for Creative Anachronism Board of Directors’ latest choices and gaffes, and checking into the veracity of certain politicians’ claims to duchies. One reporter (who preferred to remain anonymous for fear of retaliation) claimed their motivation for joining was the lack of documented community standards: “The [Editor-in-Chief] won’t write them down anywhere,” they complained.

The newsroom has retained the services of Mandibula Pistrix, a labor mediator and Jaws’ third cousin, who says that she is looking forward to sinking her teeth into helping the new union write a watertight collective bargaining agreement. “I haven’t had anything this juicy to work on in a while,” she said, grinning broadly.

Mandibula is working with the Satirical Topics and Related Bursts of Unironic Knowledge Service (STARBUCKS) which has had a great deal of recent success with unionizing efforts. Initial discussion has centered on whether the newsroom staff are properly “partners,” “minions,”or has been previously reported with respect to the interns, “a murder of crows.” Mandibula commented, “Should the murder of crows unionize, the ramifications for avian/human labor relations could be far-reaching. Several cat cafés have already approached me and after knocking my stapler off my desk, asked to be kept informed of any progress.”

The prospective union is being formed as Local 101 of Satire Writers Of the Luminous Ether (SWOLE 101).

When asked for comment, the Editor-in-Chief said, “I mean, you can strike if you want, I guess – bearing in mind that I already don’t (and can’t) pay you. But if you want to start a union, I’m not going to stop you.”

Solidarity!

Advice · Board of Directors · From the Newsroom · Lochac · Service

Goody Advice: New volunteer, Award-a-holics, and more

April 30, 2023April 29, 2023 scallioneditorialteamLeave a comment

Dear Goody,
I’m a brand new SCAdian, and I want to help out as much as I can. The only problem is that people in my local group and my kingdom won’t let me help. I volunteered to embroider the new royal pillows, and I was told no, even though I’m an award-winning embroiderer outside of the SCA. I asked if I could help in the kitchen for events, but I got turned away. I promise that I’m just really excited to get in and help, but no one is letting me do it. What do I do?
-Excited to Assist!

Dear Excited,

First, let’s take a nice deep breath. Being new is hard! You are working to break in to a fairly tight knit community and sometimes if you lead with your arts and offers swinging, it will scare the hell out of people. You see, no one is supposed to be that excited to do an onerous project or hard work so you might want to start by dialing down the volume on your enthusiasm just a wee bit until you get your feet wet in this new community. First you have to meet people and let them know that you are A) sane B) pleasant or kind or interesting to work with C) competent in the arena where you have offered your help and D) someone they want to work with and E) not going to make them completely nuts with drama.

Have you ever been part of a group and someone new has showed up with a really big personality or a scary amount of enthusiasm and everyone shies back from the new waves in the pond? You may seem a bit like a boulder tossed in to placid waters if you come off to strongly. So, back up a few paces and wade in a little slower.

If you want to embroider, put together a photo portfolio of your work and start meeting the string people on a local and kingdom level. Show them what you can do and volunteer for a small task first. Complete that task in a timely manner with high quality results and play well with the rest of the community. If this is within your capabilities, they will want you back. Instead of showing up and trying to get deep into a kitchen with what is probably a very tight knit crew making feast, instead start by offering to do simpler tasks that make their lives easier. Offer to help with dishes, vegetable chopping and other entry level tasks.

Show people that you are reasonable and able to perform the service you have offered by your deeds, not just your excitement. Each time you come back and help, your word fame will grow and people will learn to trust you when you make an offer of assistance. With trust comes acceptance and greater responsibility. Just ease in and you will find your welcome once you prove that you can live up to your offers.

Hope this helps,

-Goody Advice

Dear Goody,
I’m really worried about my friend. I think she’s an Awardaholic. She volunteers a ton, which is just part of why she’s fantastic, but if her contributions aren’t formally recognized in court with a scroll, it really seems to take a toll on her mental health.
I want to help her get back to enjoying the SCA for more than just getting gold stars. Do you have any suggestions?
-Concerned

Dear Concerned,

Well, this one is a bit tough, because everyone has their own language in which they best give and receive appreciation. Some volunteers best thrive on public thanks and rewards for their work. It’s just how our weird brains are wired. This is one you need to address directly, as a friend. Gently, so gently, let your friend know why you are concerned, how much you respect and appreciate them, and offer to help them find a way to reward themselves because you want them to stay for the long journey.

A service or project scrapbook or blog can help document projects or achievements and help your friend build a body of work portfolio. This is something that they can look back on later and remember all of their hard work and successes and record who thanked them, gave them a token, or if they received an award for their efforts. Even just a journal or photo gallery that can be kept on a digital photo frame at home can serve as an incredible reminder of the difference on person has made and how they have been appreciated already. When you have this to look upon all the time, it’s easier to see how you are being thanked without awards and what difference you have made.

Hope this helps,

-Goody Advice

Dear Goody,
I tried to propose a US Board of Directors Meeting drinking game, but people told me I might die of alcohol poisoning. How do I tell them I’m not an alcoholic, just Australian?
– Mulling over my cider

Dear Mulling

In Australia specifically, play this drinking game with a Coopers Pale Ale and not an espresso martini, even if you live in Melbourne, because you will die. Get your cappuccino in the morning to save yourself some hangovers and regrets.

As for your reasons, you don’t need to explain. We understand all too well.

Hope this helps

-Goody Advice

Board of Directors · Editorial · From the Newsroom · Knowne World

Overworked SCAllion writers beg the BoD to ‘just knock it off for a while’

April 28, 2023April 28, 2023 scallioneditorialteamLeave a comment

BARONY OF BODLINGTONE, KINGDOM OF BODLANDIA – The staff of The SCAllion have realized at a recent after-work pub crawl that they have become drastically overworked after the third Board of Directors scandal in as many months. Speaking under condition that they immediately get a cure for hangovers, they complained “how are we supposed to keep up with all the questionable actions, slipshod investigations, and blatant disregard for the opinion of the membership?” Another staff writer asked that the Board go on separate vacations for at least a month to give them a break “I haven’t actually gone to an event in months because we have to keep up with their shenanigans”.

Reporters in The SCAllion newsroom are currently wilted husks of their former selves, wading through drifts of empty coffee cups and the wrappings of fast food, candy and snacks. Our cleaning crew are on strike. Again.

So that we can send our valiant and punchy writers home for sleep, self grooming, Xanax refills, competitive drinking and meals not from a bag, the rest of the following article consists only of headlines rather than stories. Yes, those stories could be written, but it seems rather unnecessary at this point. Here are the most salient updates on the ongoing and most current Board debacle:

4/23/23 SCA employee issues vague statement via vaguebook about 1/2 of 1% of the SCA. Internet goes wild with speculation.
4/25/23 Board of Directors walks back employee vaguebook with clarification that 1/2 of 1% of the SCA have been banished. Members dubious.
4/25/23 Board of Directors statement includes apology to those who had their fee-fees hurt. Annoyed with populace interest, suggests they go eat cake.
4/26/23 Board of Directors walks back statement about eating cake. States they actually meant bread and circuses.
4/26/23 Board of Directors walks back statement about circuses. States they fully support animal welfare.
4/26/23 Board of Directors walks back statement about animal welfare. States animals should pull themselves up by their bootstraps.
4/27/23 Board of Directors walks back statement about bootstraps. States that the word they meant to use was jackboots.
4/27/23 Board of Directors walks back statement about jackboots. States that as they were originally cavalry equipment, jackboots are now regalia of the Chivalry, others will have to subsist on bootlicking.
4/27/23 Board of Directors walks back statement about bootlicking. States they don’t want the common populace that close to their boots.
4/28/23 After shocking backlash, Board of Directors walks back all recent statements, grounds self from cake and social media.
4/28/23 Pulse of the Populace Polling: Zero members surprised at uproar. Unanimous confusion at corporate level.

The only member of The SCAllion editorial staff who could be reached demanded to be left alone, but not before being given a cold washcloth and a dark quiet room so they could recover from the latest SCAllion staff pub crawl in peace.

Board of Directors · Editorial · From the Newsroom · Real Life · Sanctions

A few items that may be of interest to our readership

April 26, 2023April 25, 2023 scallioneditorialteamLeave a comment

As you may have noticed, it has been an eventful few days in Bodlandia, and we here at The SCAllion switched from popcorn to booze as soon as the sun crossed the yardarm on Monday.

Iselda de Narbonne/Alexandra Evans and her spouse Aeron Harper/David Biggs have started a petition to ask for radical restructuring of the corporate side of the SCA, to professionalize the organization. This petition can be found at the below locations – we strongly encourage anyone who is interested to first read “A Tale of 6 Sanctions” and the petition’s FAQ.

There are two options for the petition. There is an online Google Form, located here.

There is the paper version which can be printed out and mailed in.

The SCAllion newsroom has grave concerns about current corporate leadership – if we didn’t, we wouldn’t have started writing the sort of satire that we do, trying to hold a mirror up to the SCA that we love. While we have doubts about the effectiveness of such a petition as The One Thing that will bring about necessary changes for the health of the organization, we feel that it may be a significant method for people to voice their concerns and present a solution.

An Tir · Ansteorra · Board of Directors · Calontir · Community Standards · East · Editorial · From the Newsroom · Lochac · Meridies · Midrealm · Northshield · Sanctions · Trimaris

The SCAllion Guide to “Community Standards” – Part 1 in a New Series

April 25, 2023April 24, 2023 scallioneditorialteam4 Comments

Given the position taken by the Board of Directors at its April 23, 2023 meeting that sanctions properly can be imposed on SCA members for violations of unwritten “community standards,” the editors of The SCAllion have decided to provide a public service by providing examples of unwritten “community standards” in each Kingdom that visitors should be aware of, so as not to be sanctioned.

The East: DO NOT

Suggest that the Kingdom could use pre-printed scrolls for some awards;
Admit that you sort of hate going to Pennsic; or
Admit you were wrong about something on a polling discussion list (sanctions are extra likely if it’s on the Maunche list).

The Middle: DO NOT

Forget to bow to an empty throne;
Admit that you sort of hate going to Pennsic; or
Forget to fill out notarized paperwork in triplicate for all Society activities or gatherings.

Meridies: DO NOT

Question why a squire is wearing an unadorned silver chain;
Suggest that a feast reasonably might cost more than $15; or
Overlook any of the voluminous (repeated, but still enforced) regulations for displaying banners.

Ansteorra: DO NOT

Get on the wrong side of the debate over whether beans belong in chili;
Forget to ask a Queen, Princess or Lady of the Rose who is on the fighting or rapier field whether you have permission to hit them; or
Refuse the offerings of the waterbearers.

An Tir: DO NOT

Use more checky fabric in your garb than your station allows;
Let your passport lapse; or
Tell the Baronies of Madrone or Three Mountains that the other was founded first.

Calontir: DO NOT

Express dislike of camping events;
Mention that you really hate singing; or
Have a persona from post-1400.

Northshield: DO NOT

Disparage hotdish;
Complain about the cold; or
Attempt to go off script from the Boke of Ceremonies

Trimaris: DO NOT

Suggest that an event be held at a hotel;
Object to alligators in your lakes and swimming pools; or
Make Dukes adhere to the rules of the list or Kingdom law.

Lochac: DO NOT

Pretend as though the Order of Precedence actually matters;
Claim your kingdom owns Ynys Rhew (Antarctica); or
Make sheep jokes about the other half of the Kingdom.

Over the next several weeks, our roving reporters in the various Kingdoms will continue to compile the most notable unwritten “community standards.” We will continue to provide this important service for as long as the Board keeps trying to enforce this utterly ridiculous and frankly insulting ruling.