Ealdormere · King · Queen · Sanctions

Local Barony Member Inducted into the Order of the Missing Stair

BARONY OF SKRAELING ALTHING, EALDORMERE – Local Barony member Launslote du Letch was inducted into the brand new Ordre de l’Escalier Manquant by Her Majesty Ruxandra Zabellyska of Ealdormere. Since he did not have an Award of Arms, Launslote was thrilled with his new status, as he believed inclusion in the order automatically conferred an AoA. The Queen did not disabuse him of the notion. 

In an exclusive interview with The SCAllion, Her Majesty said, “We’ve had problems with du Letch for years. He has caused several uncomfortable situations with femme and non-binary members of my kingdom, but his behavior usually does not cross the line into a reportable offense, and when it does, his victims are too traumatized or frightened to report it. Unfortunately, Launslote is a member of Duke Bedyvere Brasenhed’s household and calling out a friend of the Once and Future King is seen as politically problematic for a lot of vulnerable people.”

The Ordre de l’Escalier Manquant is a new award for the Kingdom and does not confer any precedence. Meistari Bosi Englandsfari, the Principal Herald of Ealdormere explained how the award came to be, “Before she was a peer, Ruxandra never received an explicit confirmation from the Kingdom Seneschal as to whether the SCAdian who had attacked her at a camping event had been officially reprimanded or if he faced any repercussions. Because she felt the “business side” of the Society never supported her and due to various other incidents she and I have observed in our 20+ years in the SCA, at her Curia she created this new order, the Ordre de l’Escalier Manquant. The award recipients are receiving appropriate recognition for actions and behaviors below the threshold of action for the ‘business side’, but she has also created a way for others to recognize those who may exhibit problematic behaviors.”

“Marginalized people usually have a way of communicating about bad actors,” Queen Ruxandra said tiredly. “The Kingdom’s policies about secrecy make it hard to protect ourselves. Since they will be listed in the Kingdom OP, I just made it easier to figure out who they are.” 

Princess Quiteria Cerrada, the Queen’s heir, seeing the success of the new Order has vowed to create an additional order called the “Ordre de l‘Escalier Cassé” as a step down for the recipients of the previous award. “Let them think they are getting a Grant of Arms,” Princess Quiteria said, “I am tired of creepers being a part and parcel of The Dream.” The Ordre de l’Escalier Cassé comes with a banishment from the presence unless a higher level banishment is currently in force. 

Chivalry · Defense · East · King · Laurel · Peerage · Pelican · Queen · Rose · Royal Peer

East Kingdom peerages agree on standard fealty oath

BARONY OF SETTMOUR SWAMP, THE EAST — In a move which has been met with surprise and astonishment, the combined peerage orders of the Kingdom of the East have unanimously approved a standard fealty oath for use by all peers throughout the kingdom who wish to swear fealty.

 According to sources in-Kingdom, King Báetán mac Fergaile and Queen Coblaith ingen Fechtnaig asked their peerage orders to create a standardised oath in the aftermath of the specialised, incredibly lengthy,  fully-documented period oath given to them this weekend by Magistra Ahelissa de Glack.  Now known widely as The Oath of Two Score Terms And Twelve, it was 20 minutes long and kept Their Majesties from badly-needed bathroom breaks.

The official form of the new standard oath is recorded in several languages, to enable some flexibility for peers of different cultural personae.

For example, the Latin form of the oath is thus:

Non te dedam
Non te deficiam
Non vagabor et deseram te
Non te lacrimabit
Non dicam vale
Non mendiar et laedam te

For those peers with Jewish personae, the Hebrew form of the oath reads:

לעולם לא אוותר עלייך
לעולם לא אאכזב אותך
לעולם לא אתרוצץ סביב ואעזוב אותך
לעולם לא אגרום לך לבכות
לעולם לא אומר להתראות
לעולם לא אספר שקר ואפגע בך

Peers from the Arabic-speaking regions may enjoy this version:

لن أتخلى عن الأمل فيك
لن أخذلك
لن أركض وأتركك
لن أجعلك تبكي
لن أقول وداعا
لن أقول لك كذبة وأجرحك

The Middle English form of the oath is as follows:

Ich schall relinquishe þe nevere
Ich schall faile þe nevere
Ich schall rave awei nevere, nor leve þe
Ich schall encausen þe wepest nevere
Ich schall sprece ileve niminge nevere
Ich schall sprece gabbe nevere nor bane þe

Translations in other languages are available from Baroness Theodhild, Brigantia Herald.

Asked to explain the words chosen, Lærifaðir Gunni Stillingr, a member of the Order of Laurel who assisted with the translations explained, “It’s not that strange a move, it’s important that everyone involved knows what the rules are.   Fealty is about making a full commitment.”

Despite the unanimous vote, some peers are not entirely on board with the new standard wording.  “This is against all the traditions of the East,” complained Baron Estienne Flambard, a long-time Pelican. “But their Majesties know the game, they’re going to play it, and we have to go along. If you ask me how I’m feeling about this whole situation, well, my heart’s been aching since it was announced.”

Master Ricardus de Asteleghe, a Bardic Laurel, was more enthusiastic.  “We’ve known this move was coming for so long,” he gushed.   “I love it, and I’m not too shy to say it.  I never want to give this up.”

Sources close to Theodhild Brigantia report that she spent the day after the announcement staring into the middle distance with a bottle of wine, muttering, “So it’s come to this.”

Ansteorra · Defense · King · Rapier Combat

Kingdom of Ansteorra to decide next Rapier Champion with hot chilies eating contest

STRONGHOLD OF HELLSGATE, ANSTEORRA – The SCAllion was lucky to land the exclusive news that the kingdom of Ansteorra has made the momentous decision to choose their next Rapier Champion with a hot chilies eating contest.

Crown Prince Sir Archebold fitz John, known modernly as a locally famous restaurateur, came up with the idea which he then floated to the Crown and Kingdom Seneschal. Upon receiving the go ahead, he commented: “This is going to be a groundbreaking event for our great kingdom. We have so many incredible fighters, any of whom could win a traditional Rapier Championship, but how many of them can stand the capsicum? Well, we’re going to find out. This Rapier Tournament, sponsored by Crazy Archie’s Barbecue and Taco Emporium, will truly decide who in our kingdom can stand the heat! We’re also in talks with First We Feast’s Sean Evans for the eventual victor to appear on a future episode of Hot Ones.”

Rapier fighters were skeptical of His Highness’ idea, with some storming out of a recent Masters of Defense meeting in protest. Master Odalric Chastelose was quoted as saying: “Rapier Champs is sacred! It’s supposed to be decided by who is the best fighter, who can take the most pain! No, not like that…”

At last report, the Ansteorran Rapier Champs Tournament was in its 38th round with five competitors still standing. The empty crates of Carolina Reapers and Scorpion peppers are starting to clog the hallway, and there appears to be no end in sight. The SCAllion will remain on site until the bitter end to report on the results of this latest Rapier Champs Tournament.

Lochac · King · Heraldry · Knowne World

BREAKING: Most-likely-not-Duke of Lochac Indicted

BARONY OF STORVIK, ATLANTIA – CNN reports that Republican Congressman George Santos has been charged by the United States Department of Justice in a federal criminal probe.

The indictment is sealed, so it is unclear whether The SCAllion‘s allegations that Santos falsely claimed various positions in the Society for Creative Anachronism including multiple reigns as King of Lochac are included in the charges. The SCAllion will be monitoring this story carefully.

As a follow-up to the original story, the Lochac College of Heralds responded back to Representative Santos’ claims as a prior king of Lochac.  Barunin Carolina Faustina von Cologne, Mouse Volant Herald and representative of the Lochac College of Heralds stated, “While we have intensely researched Mr. Santos’ claims, it seems that while he insists that he is what he says he is, we can’t quite seem to locate him within Canon Lore, nor has he contacted Canon Herald, who maintains our order of precedence.  Frankly, he got lost on a Maccas run, so, while we’re off the record, I think he’s just trying to pass a furphy around.”

Until a time where the indictment is unsealed, The SCAllion will continue to assume that lying about being Crown of a Society affiliate is not against community standards.

Artemisia · Arts and Sciences · King · Laurel · Peerage

Laurel given to King’s 4 year old for Barbie puppet show in Artemisia: King claims Laurel council signed off on elevation

BARONY OF ONE THOUSAND EYES, ARTEMISIA – The King of Artemisia rocked the kingdom at an event this past weekend at Agincourt with the sudden elevation of his four year old daughter to the Order of the Laurel.

His Majesty Brion Wellesley was adamant that the Laurel was well deserved, and cited as his reasoning his daughter’s Barbie puppet show she put on in the royal room earlier in the day: “People need to understand, Isabelle is completely deserving of this accolade! She put on an entirely period Barbie show for everyone in the royal room this morning. Two of the peers present were even moved to tears! I immediately called the Laurels on site into a Laurel council together and they absolutely signed off on this. I don’t even know what nepotism means, why do you keep using that word? Anyway, there’s nothing wrong with what We did today.”

None of the five Laurels present at the event were willing to go on record with comments, but a Master of Defense did speak with The SCAllion on condition of anonymity. Master [redacted] said: “Shocking, but not unexpected. He is so wrapped around that kid’s finger it’s not even funny. He came to us and tried to tell us she deserved a collar because she was really good at Pin the Tail on the Donkey. I can’t even make his reasoning up, any version I would come up with would at least be believable. You wait, she’ll have a belt and chain before he’s off the throne.”

The SCAllion will remain nearby to monitor the ongoing saga of Isabelle and the apparent parade of awards she is likely to receive in the near future.

Avacal · Drachenwald · East · Insulae Draconis · King · Knowne World · Lochac · Queen · Real Life · Royal Peer

Coronation fealty snafu in UK and Lochac

BARONY OF POLITARCHOPOLIS, LOCHAC – The Crown Prince and Princess of Lochac, Ruodeger Angist and Kiterna de Kaxtone, have stated that they were inspired by the example of King Charles III of England to call for all members of the Kingdom to swear an oath of allegiance at their upcoming coronation.  “We thought it would be fun,” said Prince Ruodeger, “and since Charles had already scheduled his Coronation on top of ours, we felt fine about nicking his idea.”

The idea has not been well received, either in the UK or in Lochac. However, it seems likely that more people would be willing to swear such an oath in Lochac than in the UK, since a SCAllion poll suggests that as many as 15 Lochacians said they might consider it, which is a significantly higher number than in  the United Kingdom. 

The most common response on the poll in both Lochac and the UK was “I’m on smoko, leave me alone.”

The Kingdom of Avacal also has a coronation in May, and The SCAllion asked them to comment.  Oddly enough, they didn’t seem to care.  The East does not have a coronation in May. The SCAllion did not ask them to comment, but they keep calling and leaving messages on our voicemail saying that the East, too, is on smoko.

Armored Combat · Arts and Sciences · Atlantia · Crown Tournament · King · Laurel · Peerage · Queen · Royal Peer

Duke Juiced: the SCAllion Investigates

Atlantia has recently seen a succession of Crowns all belonging to a single household, with three of the five couples achieving their duchy. We sat down with the original duchess of the household, Her Grace Emmeline Neuburg, OL, to ask her how the household has managed seven consecutive reigns. 

The SCAllion: Your Grace, the Neubergs have had seven reigns in a row, and today the seventh steps down from the throne. Duncan and Rhiannon are both members of the household, correct?

Emmeline Neuburg: Yes, they are. Duncan was my late husband’s squire, and Rhiannon is my apprentice. 

S: How does it feel to be at the end of a four year run of your household supporting royalty? 

EN: I think it has been very helpful to everyone in the household to understand exactly what it means to sit on the thrones before they fight in Crown, because we’ve all been very involved from the beginning. I’m just sorry that Michael passed away last spring and didn’t get to see our plan through. 

S: Your plan?

EN: Of course. In many ways, this has been a culmination of both his training methods and my A&S project into appropriate period performance-enhancing supplements. 

S: Can you explain further? 

EN: I’m a Laurel now, but when Michael and I were first getting serious about Crown Tournament, I hadn’t found where I wanted to focus my research. Now, being a Queen is disruptive to actually getting research done, but after the first time, I decided I wanted to look at the work of women herbalists and midwives. I found one “recipe for soldiers” that I thought looked interesting, and made a batch to enter at Pennsic A&S. Well, Michael, bless his heart, grabbed the wrong bottle just before the field battle. He came back in such a good mood and not at all tired! 

S: So, the effect was to give him more energy? 

EN: In so many ways. He’d fought in the front of every battle and said it was like he’d just finished warm ups. Of course, now I didn’t have an entry, but we’d found something worth knowing. 

I kept refining the recipe, looking at other similar examples, and he used it before every Crown he fought in and won. 

About 5 years ago, his former squires were starting to get really serious about Crown, so he stepped up the household practices and we talked about what it would look like to have a solid bloc of royalty with the same philosophy about reigning and the continuity we could bring. We had also never tried “Duke Juice” on anyone else! 

S: This is when you brought the rest of the household in on your secret?

EN: it wasn’t really a secret, most people just didn’t believe it was a period recipe, or if it was, that it did anything! Getting the correct dosage such that someone gets the benefits but not the side effects has turned out to be a little trickier than we thought, but we experimented first at fighter practices, then events and war. It was at war when their ladies started coming to me too – it let them party half the night and still be up to go to 9am classes or volunteer all day. 

At which point, the household got together and decided that we were going to see if we could put together a ruling bloc for long enough to effect real change in Atlantia. 

S: What were your goals, then? 

EN: Oh, making sure that most of the household got their peerages as soon as possible, and that we had fewer restrictions on the marshal orders. Some minor changes in law and policy- I can’t remember all of them now, we changed them over 3 years ago, and people have become accustomed to the new ways of doing things

S: I take it your entire household is on “Duke Juice”, then?

EN: Yes! At different dosages and concentrations, that’s a lot of what my research has been! I’ve refined the recipe, now it’s about the effects on a wider group! And, really, we wouldn’t have survived four years of always having someone on the thrones without something

S: So, what’s in your Duke Juice? 

EN: I mean, my research is entered in Kingdom A&S tomorrow, so I can tell you that it’s an alcohol extraction of arctic root, Siberian ginseng, hemp, valerian root, rose root, and willow bark. It helps with anxiety, pain, energy, and the ability to get things done! I am looking forward to seeing what the rest of the kingdom does with it! 

S: Thank you, Your Grace, for speaking with us. 

Armored Combat · Artemisia · Board of Directors · King · Queen

Artemisia Declares War on Old Faithful

SHIRE OF SILVER KEEP, ARTEMISIA — The populace of the shire of Silver Keep is in a state of turmoil today, following the declaration of war that was issued last night. The recipient of the declaration is not Silver Keep itself, but rather famed geyser, Old Faithful, which is located at Yellowstone National Park, which is also within the borders of the shire. Many members are feeling torn between loyalty to their kingdom and their longstanding affection for the volcanic eruption. According to the original statement of declaration, the purpose of war would be “to demilitarize and denazify Old Faithful and to protect the populace of Artemisia from potential bullying from the spurting menace.”

Reportedly caught unawares, the King and Queen of Artemisia are scrambling to identify the source of the inciting act. Although the declaration appears to have originated from His Majesty’s official email address, the Kingdom Seneschal alleges that the address was hacked and that the call for military action from the fighting community is most likely the work of notorious SCA hacker group, Κανένας. This theory seems unlikely, as Κανένας has committed to uncovering the Board of Directors’ private email server.

Contrary to the Kingdom Seneschal’s public statement, inside sources attribute the bold move to controversial knight, Sir Pavel Radozlaus, and his supporters inside the fighting community. According to insiders, Sir Pavel has long held a grudge against Old Faithful, even going so far as to blame the beloved geyser’s hot spray for the breakdown of his marriage to Boyarina Olga Mikhailovna, who subsequently changed her persona following their divorce, prior to stepping up as Queen two months ago.

“I don’t know why everyone acts like this stupid geyser is so great,” Sir Pavel was heard to say, “They say it erupts around twenty times per day, but I don’t believe it. And just try to convince me that each eruption disgorges as much as 8400 gallons of steamy liquid. All this hype ends up creating all kinds of unreasonable expectations on the rest of us. I should know – it ended my marriage.”

Sir Pavel’s claims contradict Her Majesty’s alleged reason for the split, reported to be: “One word: hygiene.”

These speculations do nothing to comfort the distressed populace of Silver Keep, who are understandably distraught at the threat made towards Old Faithful. The normally laid-back shire has always credited its widespread sense of relaxation to its proximity to the geothermal marvel’s slow, regular throb.

Yellowstone National Park Service spokesperson has released the following statement from the geyser to the media: “Bring it. Ain’t my fault the ladies love my flow.”

East · King · Queen · Royal Peer

“Running on Dunks”, East Kingdom Style

BARONY OF CAROLINGIA, EAST KINGDOM – Just a week after East Kingdom Coronation, the reign of King Báetán mac Fergaile and Queen Coblaith ingen Fechtnaig was thrown into turmoil at their Curia, when the King’s squire, Noble Sigelint de Fresia, mistakenly picked up the wrong Dunkin’ Donuts order, grabbing the one intended for the Drag Brunch at the Boston Public Library instead of the one intended for the Crown. King Báetán stopped the Curia during Kingdom Officer reports shouting “Where the hell’s my Dunks?!”  

Queen Coblaith, who was severely under-caffeinated, noticeably perked up when Noble Sigelint came in with the order.  However, several librarians had followed them from Dunks and started shouting that the SCA had stolen their coffee. Order was eventually restored as everyone swapped their coffees, only for Curia to fall into disarray once again when the Queen declared, “There’s a Drag Brunch at the Boston Library? I’m out of here.”

Queen Coblaith, who didn’t bother to change out of garb, eventually came back to Curia with two Dolly Parton impersonators wearing Laurel Wreaths and announced Curia was closed and reopened as Drag Curia. King Báetán tabled the rest of the agenda and agreed to a new agenda focusing on actually getting things done in the East. The first order of business was to contact Dunkin’ Donuts and open talks into a sponsorship deal with the tagline “The East Kingdom Runs on Dunks.” 

Crown Tournament · Drachenwald · Insulae Draconis · King

Drachenwald to form Parliament after unpopular knight wins Crown Tournament

CANTON OF MEADOWMARSH, DRACHENWALD: The SCAllion has received breaking news out of the Kingdom of Drachenwald: the kingdom populace has voted overwhelmingly to form a Parliament in response to a wildly unpopular knight winning its most recent Crown Tournament.

In the immediate wake of Sir Basil Thromby winning its most recent Crown Tournament, Drachenwald’s populace came to the unprecedented-in-the-SCA conclusion that the only way forward is to diversify the governing structures and form a Parliament. 

Master Roderick Charles Uffington, the Kingdom Seneschal, elaborated: “Well, almost no one likes Basil, and frankly, he’s just not good Crown material. Let’s be honest, his reign would be an unmitigated disaster, and none of us want to be a part of that. So, the peerage circles all got together and discussed it, to try to find a way forward.  We thought about forming  an Icelandic style Alþingi but figured we’d need a variance for that, so we decided to use the later examples of the Swedish Riksdag and English Parliament. We already have a step up over the East Kingdom’s Runnymede, in that the Crown has to have read and agreed to follow Kingdom law. Now we’re having the changes we need read into law, and moving forward from there. We’ve already got a number of nominees from all ranks and disciplines, and we’ll be holding kingdom-wide elections in the coming weeks. We will likely meet virtually for a while, until we can all get our feet under us, then we’ll work toward in person meetings. The Kings can sit on their thrones, and give out awards all they want, but we’re not going to allow them to run this kingdom into the ground.”

Maistresse Alisoun du Calais, a spokesperson for the Masters of Defense, agreed with the Seneschal. “It is among the rights and duties of a peer of the realm to defend it against incompetence. This is why many of us will stand for election in the coming weeks, to counteract a King selected by right of arms.”

The SCAllion will continue to observe this rapidly changing situation, and will report on further developments as they emerge. Sir Basil couldn’t be reached for comment, and his household has made it clear they do not recognize any efforts to form a Parliament.