KNOWNE WORLD – Across all of the kingdoms of the Knowne World, wordsmiths of the Society for Creative Anachronism are launching a sympathy strike with the Writers Guild of America (WGA). These “wordsmiths” of the Knowne World are those who provide texts for award scrolls and related documents, as well as ceremony heralds and royal schtick writers. Renowned wordsmith and poet, Magistra Virginia Lupa released a statement.
“So much of what we do in the Knowne World has been influenced by members of the WGA, whose work has informed and, if you will pardon a little scribal joke, illuminated our own work. While members of the WGA are striking over issues which affect their very livelihood, SCA wordsmiths and scribes can also suffer from difficult working conditions, and although our “pay” comes in social capital and wordfame, sometimes we don’t even get that. Supporting our sibling writers in the WGA seems only fair, after all they’ve given us.”
The strike has affected all the kingdoms, though some have been harder hit than others. Kingdoms which have standard texts for some awards have suffered less than those where all scrolls are unique. Some of those kingdoms have begun to look through older scroll texts to find those which can be depersonalised and recycled. Peerage scrolls are universally unique, causing some kingdoms to delay elevations while the strike is ongoing.
Some kingdoms have even resorted to scabs, with predictably poor results. Maestra Monica do Cabo Verde, elevated shortly after the strike began, was a victim. “The illumination is gorgeous, the calligraphy is fantastic, but the text.” Maestra Monica burst into tears before giving The SCAllion a transcription of the text, which is reproduced below in its entirety.
A woman stood out from the rest Her service was truly the best A Pelican she Really ought to be Signed , the King and the Queen of the West
The SCAllion supports the WGA and the Knowne World wordsmiths in their fight for fair treatment.
BARONY OF SOUTH DOWNS, MERIDIES – In a bold move, Baroness Maud of Gloucester, Beacon Principal Herald, has created a new position in the College of Heralds to handle sumptuary law violations: the Sumptuary Marshal. Maud Beacon has selected the title Caliper Herald for the position.
Maud Beacon told The SCAllion, “There are so many sumptuary violations happening. I know for a fact that at least one person wearing an AoA is wearing a circlet over the prescribed ¼ inch limit, and you would not believe the number of people with court baronies wearing coronets that exceed two inches. It is utterly ridiculous, and entirely against the rules. And I, for one, have had enough of Meridies subjects thinking that they can flout sumptuary law with impunity. To this end, I intend to establish the position of Caliper Herald, the Sumptuary Marshal, who will be tasked with ensuring compliance with Meridian sumptuary law among the populace.”
The Sumptuary Marshal and their deputies will be issued with size gauges, similar to rattan marshal gauges, to ensure that regalia falls within appropriate standards. They will be stationed at the entrance to every Court to check the regalia of anyone coming into Court. Maud Beacon explained, “Well, we have to start somewhere. It’s bad enough that people think that they can flout sumptuary law during the day at an event, but standards have to be upheld for court, really. It’s the least they can do.”
When asked whether gentles who moved into Meridies from out of Kingdom would be allowed to continue wearing their out of Kingdom regalia that does not comply with Meridian sumptuary law, Beacon responded with, “Well, of course they can. I’m not an unreasonable woman, you know. But they better be able to point to the out of kingdom OP [Order of Precedence] entry that entitles them to that regalia!”
Given the position taken by the Board of Directors at its April 23, 2023 meeting that sanctions properly can be imposed on SCA members for violations of unwritten “community standards,” the editors of The SCAllion have decided to provide a public service by providing examples of unwritten “community standards” in each Kingdom that visitors should be aware of, so as not to be sanctioned.
The East: DO NOT
Suggest that the Kingdom could use pre-printed scrolls for some awards;
Admit that you sort of hate going to Pennsic; or
Admit you were wrong about something on a polling discussion list (sanctions are extra likely if it’s on the Maunche list).
The Middle: DO NOT
Forget to bow to an empty throne;
Admit that you sort of hate going to Pennsic; or
Forget to fill out notarized paperwork in triplicate for all Society activities or gatherings.
Meridies: DO NOT
Question why a squire is wearing an unadorned silver chain;
Suggest that a feast reasonably might cost more than $15; or
Overlook any of the voluminous (repeated, but still enforced) regulations for displaying banners.
Ansteorra: DO NOT
Get on the wrong side of the debate over whether beans belong in chili;
Forget to ask a Queen, Princess or Lady of the Rose who is on the fighting or rapier field whether you have permission to hit them; or
Refuse the offerings of the waterbearers.
An Tir: DO NOT
Use more checky fabric in your garb than your station allows;
Let your passport lapse; or
Tell the Baronies of Madrone or Three Mountains that the other was founded first.
Calontir: DO NOT
Express dislike of camping events;
Mention that you really hate singing; or
Have a persona from post-1400.
Northshield: DO NOT
Complain about the cold; or
Attempt to go off script from the Boke of Ceremonies
Trimaris: DO NOT
Suggest that an event be held at a hotel;
Object to alligators in your lakes and swimming pools; or
Make Dukes adhere to the rules of the list or Kingdom law.
Lochac: DO NOT
Pretend as though the Order of Precedence actually matters;
Claim your kingdom owns Ynys Rhew (Antarctica); or
Make sheep jokes about the other half of the Kingdom.
Over the next several weeks, our roving reporters in the various Kingdoms will continue to compile the most notable unwritten “community standards.” We will continue to provide this important service for as long as the Board keeps trying to enforce this utterly ridiculous and frankly insulting ruling.
CANTON OF SOUTH REACH, MERIDIES – In a groundbreaking piece of investigative journalism, The SCAllion has learned that the Board of Directors for the Society for Creative Anachronism, Inc. are in fact a local homeowner’s association based out of the Canton of Hockwald.
“It all makes sense now,” said Tighearn Curstaidh Keegan, a resident of the area. “You start to think about the meetings that no one attends, the arbitrary decisions, the mistrust and annoyance of most of the membership. It’s actually not that surprising.”
The SCAllion has learned that Corpora is nearly identical to the governing documents for the Mountain Gate Homeowners’ Association, with only slight tweaks to the wording changing the incredibly specific requirements to maintain landscaping in the small HOA to incredibly specific requirements for Crown List.
Sharp-eyed readers of Corpora can still find places where the SCA Governing Documents have not been fully converted from the HOA bylaws. Examples include the requirement that Kingdoms may only park two vehicles in their driveways and the list of approved colors for tents.
We here at The SCAllion would love to investigate further, but we can’t afford to take the time away from our regular mandate of providing you high-quality satire that’s both silly and biting social commentary. You can help by liking and sharing this article using the hashtag #TheSCAllion and telling us the rules from your local group, Kingdom, or Corpora that seem most like an HOA gone rogue.
SHIRE OF TALMERE, MERIDIES – In a shocking development during a routine Meridian College of Heralds decision meeting, Pennon Herald presided over a controversial series of submissions. Sir Humperdinck Gilders wanted to celebrate his own “cultural heritage” in the wake of current DEI initiatives. The SCAllion was invited to the internal decision meeting where Sir Humperdinck’s 14 submissions were discussed.
The first submission, blazoned as “Sable, a mullet within a saltire voided argent,” was immediately shut down as a direct conflict with Meridies’ now-retired populace badge. Sir Humperdinck’s other variants included a black and white version of the so-called Stainless Banner, as well as black and white versions of the Stars and Bars, and color inverted versions of the same.
Lady Lillian Roberts, Pennon Herald, referred all badges up to the society College of Arms for the Wreath Sovereign of Arms to be the decision maker on these items, stating, “Let them sort this out; this is way above my paygrade.”
Upon the items in question reaching Wreath’s desk, The SCAllion is told that Wreath took one look at them and returned the lot, with a stern cover note stating that “The South is not going to rise on our watch. The South was beaten and needs to stay beaten. I’ve seen baronages with longer terms than the damn Confederacy!”
When asked for comment, Sir Humperdinck was rather indignant; “This is discrimination, is what this is! This isn’t about hate, this is about my heritage! I am a proud white Southern man, with a proud heritage, displaying my Southern Pride. General Lee was a hero, fighting for the Lost Cause, and his contribution deserves to be celebrated! This is discrimination. I am proud of my heritage and deserve to be able to display that.”
The Laurel Sovereign’s office responded to these remarks by sending The SCAllion a link to the United States Army Chorus singing the Battle Hymn of the Republic.
COLLEGE OF PHOENIX RISING, MERIDIES – “I already invited my extended family to my graduation,” says Jason Billings, a 22 year old from Alabama. Jason has spent the last four years participating as an active member in the College of Phoenix Rising, making sure to attend every meeting, event, practice, and class so that he could get what he thought was a degree in Medieval Studies. “Yeah, I thought it was a little different from what I had heard about college, but, honestly, I was willing to overlook anything after I saw how cheap the tuition fees were,” Billings continued.
Billings first heard about the College of Phoenix Rising at a presentation in high school and, having mistaken them as a college promoter, joined the College of Phoenix Rising after he graduated high school in 2019. He thought he was on the right track when he received his Award of Arms (which he mistook for an associate’s degree) in 2020, but was surprised this year when he went to his advisor (the seneschal of the group) to inquire about graduation only to find out that not only was he not graduating, but the College of Phoenix Rising wasn’t a college at all!
Though Billings and his family are disappointed, Billings has decided to look on the bright side. Now sure of his focus in school, Billings will be starting a degree in Medieval Studies this August (“I checked it was a real college twice this time!”) and has taken this opportunity to take his extended family to an event since they “already bought plane tickets and they’ll be in the area anyways.”
BARONY OF SOUTH DOWNS, MERIDIES – The punchline of a joke told by two squires at a fighter practice in the Barony of South Downs “and so, the BoD banned combat archery” went completely viral this weekend. Social media in multiple kingdoms exploded as the punchline was taken to be holy writ.
Posts demanding removal of the Society President and Society Earl Marshal and, for the 13th time in early 2023, requests for the dissolution of the Board began showing up in at least 12 kingdom Facebook groups almost immediately. The hashtag “#ImpeachTheBoD” began trending nationally on Twitter as evangelical Christians thought it was a call for impeachment of United States Government Officials.
Guy of Hampton, a prominent Atenveldt combat archer was quoted on Twitter as saying “Duke Hunting Season… I mean… War will never be the same. #ImpeachTheBoD #NeverAgain”
At this time there has been no official reply from Society leadership clarifying that this was a joke even though a simple published statement through official channels would resolve this issue to everyone’s satisfaction.
BARONY OF GLAEDENFELD, MERIDIES – In an SCA first, a non-SCAdian is voted into all four bestowed peerages simultaneously. Dolly Parton was named to the Orders of Laurel, Pelican, Defense, and Chivalry today in a joint voting and elevation ceremony in the kingdom of Meridies. “While none of us have ever fought her,” stated Duke Waggoner do Porto, “We once saw a video of her flat-snap Kenny Rogers with a mic stand. And that’s good enough for us.”
The other bestowed peerages also spoke highly of the multiple Grammy Award-winning, Country Music Hall of Fame and Kennedy Center honoree. “I have filked to Jolene so many times!” Laurel and Meridies bardic champion Sibil del Grange shrieked as a rhinestone-bedazzled effigy of the absent singer was led into court.
When asked for comment Parton’s publicist told the reporter “The SCA is in direct violation of the 2002 restraining order, and if it doesn’t desist we will be forced to take greater steps to further ensure my client’s safety and privacy.”
We here at The SCAllion assume the star is simply beyond words for this great honor.
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