Chivalry · Defense · East · King · Laurel · Peerage · Pelican · Queen · Rose · Royal Peer

East Kingdom peerages agree on standard fealty oath

BARONY OF SETTMOUR SWAMP, THE EAST — In a move which has been met with surprise and astonishment, the combined peerage orders of the Kingdom of the East have unanimously approved a standard fealty oath for use by all peers throughout the kingdom who wish to swear fealty.

 According to sources in-Kingdom, King Báetán mac Fergaile and Queen Coblaith ingen Fechtnaig asked their peerage orders to create a standardised oath in the aftermath of the specialised, incredibly lengthy,  fully-documented period oath given to them this weekend by Magistra Ahelissa de Glack.  Now known widely as The Oath of Two Score Terms And Twelve, it was 20 minutes long and kept Their Majesties from badly-needed bathroom breaks.

The official form of the new standard oath is recorded in several languages, to enable some flexibility for peers of different cultural personae.

For example, the Latin form of the oath is thus:

Non te dedam
Non te deficiam
Non vagabor et deseram te
Non te lacrimabit
Non dicam vale
Non mendiar et laedam te

For those peers with Jewish personae, the Hebrew form of the oath reads:

לעולם לא אוותר עלייך
לעולם לא אאכזב אותך
לעולם לא אתרוצץ סביב ואעזוב אותך
לעולם לא אגרום לך לבכות
לעולם לא אומר להתראות
לעולם לא אספר שקר ואפגע בך

Peers from the Arabic-speaking regions may enjoy this version:

لن أتخلى عن الأمل فيك
لن أخذلك
لن أركض وأتركك
لن أجعلك تبكي
لن أقول وداعا
لن أقول لك كذبة وأجرحك

The Middle English form of the oath is as follows:

Ich schall relinquishe þe nevere
Ich schall faile þe nevere
Ich schall rave awei nevere, nor leve þe
Ich schall encausen þe wepest nevere
Ich schall sprece ileve niminge nevere
Ich schall sprece gabbe nevere nor bane þe

Translations in other languages are available from Baroness Theodhild, Brigantia Herald.

Asked to explain the words chosen, Lærifaðir Gunni Stillingr, a member of the Order of Laurel who assisted with the translations explained, “It’s not that strange a move, it’s important that everyone involved knows what the rules are.   Fealty is about making a full commitment.”

Despite the unanimous vote, some peers are not entirely on board with the new standard wording.  “This is against all the traditions of the East,” complained Baron Estienne Flambard, a long-time Pelican. “But their Majesties know the game, they’re going to play it, and we have to go along. If you ask me how I’m feeling about this whole situation, well, my heart’s been aching since it was announced.”

Master Ricardus de Asteleghe, a Bardic Laurel, was more enthusiastic.  “We’ve known this move was coming for so long,” he gushed.   “I love it, and I’m not too shy to say it.  I never want to give this up.”

Sources close to Theodhild Brigantia report that she spent the day after the announcement staring into the middle distance with a bottle of wine, muttering, “So it’s come to this.”

Atlantia · Chivalry · Exchequer · Real Life

Knight with “Deeds not Words” tattoo mad at satire news

BARONY OF MARINUS, ATLANTIA – In a move that surprised no one, Sir Seamus the Silent has declared in a public Facebook post that he dislikes The SCAllion.  “All they do is put words on a web page, criticizing the true leaders of the SCA without signing their name to anything. If they are going to criticize the Chivalry, I will meet them on the field and we can talk about it with our swords. I’m sure we can find someone to authorize them if they’re not.” Sir Seamus’ Facebook profile is listed under his society name. While this has prevented the majority of his friends list from losing his society name in favor of his modern name in recent years, this has meant that several people have assumed that his modern name is Seamus rather than Frank. 

“If they want to change the SCA they should show up on the list field and get good enough to win Crown,” continued the post. “Making Kingdom Laws by right of arms is how things get done around here.” The SCAllion has verified that Sir Seamus has appeared in the final four of Crown Tournament twice and in Courts of Chivalry three times.

Sir Seamus has “Deeds Not Words” as his description on his Facebook profile. The SCAllion has also learned he has “Deeds Not Words” tattooed on the outside of his sword arm as it is prominently placed in his user icon, blocking his face.

Local Exchequer and self-identified SCAllion superfan Lord Halvkey Vetinari observed carefully, “Seamus is extremely fond of quoting that particular phrase. He brings it up in barony meetings when we start talking through the budget, mostly as a way of getting us to stop talking, I think.”

Other tactics used by Sir Seamus to disrupt otherwise productive meetings include frequent and incorrect references to Friedrich Nietzsche, detailed retellings of former glory as a martial artist in high school, and insisting the chronicler publish his household’s private Spear-The-Beer scores on a weekly basis. 

However, The SCAllion respects his right to privacy, and will not be trying to expose his true identity.

Armored Combat · Chivalry · Gulf Wars · History

The Deed Disappoints, Confuses Crowd

SHIRE OF DRAGOUN’S WEAL, GLEANN ABHANN, GULF WARS – Dozens of men and couples were seen leaving the battlefield Friday night carrying baskets of tissues and various lotions. “You’re damn right I’m upset,” explained Kazuya Tanaka, who wished to remain anonymous. “I came to see people doing the deed and all I got were a bunch of dudes in the least-revealing armor I’ve ever seen! You couldn’t even see most of their faces!” 

One woman, who identified herself only as Jill, and her partner, Marcus Cobham, seemed more disappointed than upset. “I saw the event listed in the porta-potty and it seemed like maybe a fun way to start a Friday night,” Jill said. “But now he,” she stated, pointing to Marcus, who was busy browsing the Armour Archive on his phone, “won’t shut up about how nice one guy’s legs were.” 

The Deed of Arms, or simply “the Deed,” is an invitation-only combat featuring combatants sporting the finest of historical fourteenth century armors. They engage in combats simulating sport melees of the day and attempt to hold each other for ransom, which all participants are obligated to have on hand. 

“I’m not sure what the fuss is about,” said Sir Gui d’Orleans, captain of the French team. “The turnout was spectacular, more than usual, actually. Though when I got captured, someone yelled something about doing it already? I don’t know,” he finished with a shrug. 

The SCAllion is likewise unsure of what raised the ire of so many onlookers, as the combat appeared to be honorably executed with great displays of chivalry and friendship all around.

Advice · Armored Combat · Royal Peer · Sanctions

Goody Advice: New fighters, mistakes, and more

Dear Goody, 
I went to my first SCA event and was not allowed to fight, but I know that’s not for everyone. What do I do? 
-Shiny New SCAdian 

Dear Shiny New SCAdian, 

At your next event there are all kinds of things you can try: myriad arts, endless classes, dozens of kinds of service, meeting new people, learning more about fighting, working to get your kit together, get authorized to fight, or just inform the marshal that you are an out-of-kingdom Duke and if you are not allowed to fight then you will have the Board of Directors sanction them. Really, it’s your call. 

Have fun, apparently, that is what is most important!

-Goody Advice 

Dear Goody,
I made a mistake at an event and I would like to apologize for my behavior, rather than ignore it. How do I make this right?

Dear Apologetic,

I suggest that you make your sincere apologies to the people who were there for your mistake without a why or how or back story for the apology. An apology with an ‘it happened because’ attached is lame AF and means you aren’t really sorry, just trying to explain away your error. 

Own your mistake and your apology and then move on. If you manage this, congratulations on being a responsible adult and SCAdian. It is exceedingly rare.

Hope this helps!

-Goody Advice 

Dear Goody,
I hate what The SCAllion stands for, and I don’t want my friends to read it.  How do I get them to stop?

Dear Unamused,

Those who attempt to ban reading material and news sources have a historical way of going terribly wrong. You could learn from the past, or, by all means, rail against us loudly and give us more publicity. We love that shit.

Hope this helps!

-Goody Advice

Board of Directors · Caid · Chivalry · Leaks · Leeks · Pennsic War

The SCAllion Leeks – BoD: We’re not biased, most of our members are Royal Peers!

BARONY OF ANGELS, CAID — In recent weeks, there have been increasingly vocal concerns about the appearance of bias and favoritism on the part of the Society for Creative Anachronism Board of Directors and Society Officers. People have started looking at the connections between officers at the corporate level, and the calls for transparency have gotten louder. 

The SCAllion received a leak from several private parties of a draft statement in response to recent allegations of bias in their rulings, addressing the growing controversy.

“We, the Board of Directors of the Society for Creative Anachronism, wish to address the allegations levied against us in regards to bias in our recent rulings, including our affirmation of sanctions against the lifeguard at a recent Pennsic War. We want to point out that we cannot be biased, considering the number of Dukes and Duchesses who are currently serving on the Board. We even have a Knight who is NOT a Royal Peer. With this incredible depth of institutional knowledge, bias is virtually impossible. All these men and women strive to maintain impartiality in their rulings and judgments, and we believe our recent track record bears that out.”

The Society Earl Marshal, Conte Raynirolus de la Cavalla posted on his personal Facebook page: “The office of Society Earl Marshal is duty bound to maintain the safety of all members of the Society. It is my belief that the Board is doing its best to also hold true to these ideals. It is imperative that any violations of the rules and laws this office governs be dealt with swiftly and ruthlessly, and I feel we have done that in these recent cases.”

The conjunction of the personal statement with the leaked draft statement seemed suggestive to the newsroom, but no official connection could be found. The SCAllion attempted to reach the recently sanctioned Pennsic lifeguard for comment, but was promptly hung up on when asked about the sanctions.

Chivalry · DEI · Editorial · From the Newsroom · Letter to Editor · Rapier Combat

Letters to the Editor – March 2023

[Letters contained herein are completely made up and unreflective of the actual letters we have received.  We don’t want your letters.  Our newsroom is already busy enough.  Seriously.  Shoo.  Go away.  Put down that quill now.]

I’m writing in response to your recent article “Knight returning to SCA after 30-year absence can’t understand how fencers are now considered people.” I was an active Knight during that time period, and I demand a retraction. We would never have referred to fencers as “wire weenies,” because even that validated their ridiculous excuse for historical combat.  We ignored them completely. I demand an apology and correction.

Dear Sir,

With absolutely no due respect, no.

The SCAllion

I’m absolutely loving your publication so far: no notes. Just one question, though. When will Goaty get his own spin-off series?

Dear Goatfan,

Goaty’s agent refuses to respond to any further communication, despite many peers pointing out Goaty’s need for exposure.  We regret that we will not be able to continue with a further series on Goaty.

The SCAllion

As a relatively high-ranking member of the SCA, on behalf of many of us, we’d love to show the depths of our support. Please provide an address where we can send flowers, ideally Wolfsbane, Larkspur, Foxglove, or Oleander.

Dear Florist,

Thank you. You may send this bouquet to the Board of Directors. They will love it.

The SCAllion

You published an article entitled “First SCA DEI symposium held in person; location only accessible via car, stairs“. I do not appreciate the tone of this piece. Autocrats already have a hard time hosting events.  There are 1,000 passive aggressive comments from the local grant level service members who want to get all the credit for running the event, without actually running the event. There are inevitably frustrated marshals of the heavy-list community who don’t understand why they can’t have a field for a tournament at a cooking schola. And Heaven help you if the Baron wants to make it a royal progress without consulting you. The list of things to consider while hosting an event is exhausting.

Furthermore, to add to this pedantic list of pedantry, I would like to point out that although in Section XVIII of Cupora “disability” is listed as one of the things we don’t discriminate against, nowhere in Section II. EVENTS does it require Autocrats to consider accessibility a factor when planning events. The autocrat is given the option to make a site accessible, not required to make a site accessible, therefore the autocrat of a theoretical DEI event does not need to make sure their people in wheelchairs and crutches can get to panels.

Really, I do appreciate your satire, but if you don’t get the details right, it’s just not funny. 

Sincerely, Autocrat #9

Dear Event Steward #9,

Please consult literary sources on satire.  In many cases, satire may be presented in a manner to point out egregious human error or folly in a way that embraces hyperbole, understatement, sarcasm, and irony. This article used all of these items to demonstrate a theoretical DEI event that did not actually embrace the ideals of Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion. But really, we’re just being pedantic.

While pedantry is on the table, we should also point out that it is “Corpora,” and even though autocrat has been the traditional title, modern events are using “Event Steward” as the more appropriate medieval alternative.

Thank you for your commentary; please believe we are giving it the value it deserves.

The SCAllion

Aethelmearc · Armored Combat · Board of Directors · Chivalry · Peerage · Rapier Combat · Royal Peer · Sanctions

BREAKING: Pennsic Lifeguard removed from office for refusing to allow alligators in lake

BARONY OF DEBATABLE LANDS, ÆTHELMEARC – Due to a freak carrier pigeon accident, a missive from last Pennsic has only just now reached The SCAllion’s offices.  Witnesses report that, in a stunning chain of events, the head lifeguard was abruptly removed from office for enforcing the site and safety rules.

“Duke Eneas MacGillacahir appeared at the lake during open swim with two medium-size alligators, and attempted to put them in the water,” an observer on the scene told The SCAllion on condition of anonymity. “The lifeguard in charge saw the ‘gators, and immediately called a stop to it.”  The lifeguard reportedly cited that it was a violation of the site’s rules to release hazardous invasive reptiles anywhere on the property, allowing the alligators in the lake would cause a safety hazard for all swimmers, and, after His Grace objected loudly and at length about his “rights”, and that Duke Eneas was not respecting the duly authorized authority of safety personnel.

Duke Eneas immediately called his Kingdom Seneschal, Master Jost von Hesselstein, who overruled the lifeguard over the phone, declaring that the alligators were permitted in the pool because they were Duke Eneas’s guests and hospitality is “a value to be held sacred.”  Master Jost then fired the lifeguard who had sanctioned Duke Eneas and swimming was permitted to continue.

Master Jost does not swim, and has never been to Pennsic, much less in the lake.

In a closed session, the Board of Directors not only upheld Master Jost’s decision, it ruled that all lifeguards will be removed from their positions and prohibited from swimming themselves for six months.  Reached for comment, spokesperson for the Board of Directors Duchess Merione Ferquair of Melby said that, of course Master Jost acted correctly, because Duke Eneas’s enjoyment of the water with his alligator guests was just as important as the combined safety of the rest of the swimming community.

When The SCAllion reached out to the former Pennsic lifeguard for comment, the lifeguard said that they had been forbidden by the Board of Directors from speaking about the sanction.

Armored Combat · Calontir · Chivalry · Defense · Peerage · Rapier Combat

Knight returning to SCA after 30-year absence can’t understand how fencers are now considered people

SHIRE-MARCH OF GRIMFELLS, CALONTIR – A knight who left the SCA for personal reasons returned recently after a 30-year absence. Upon his return he was baffled and offended to discover that rapier fighters were now considered equals among many, and had even achieved a Peerage of their own.

Sir Eomir Silverwolf of the Seven Glens recently returned to the SCA and, upon attending his first event back, was shocked to see that fencing was not only allowed at the same event as heavy fighting, but that it was actually featured. “When did we start treating the wire weenies like people?” he cried, clearly distraught at what he was witnessing. “Who do these people think they are? Back in my day, they knew their place. How did this happen? Don’t they know how real fighters behave?”

When Sir Silverwolf discovered that the Order of Defense had been created, and saw Maestra Illiana Rosecroft in her Order regalia, he appeared to go into some sort of convulsions, while at the same time rending his garments and tearing at his hair. Some witnesses claimed to see froth coming from his mouth, but this was unconfirmed at the time of publication.

Arts and Sciences · Atenveldt · Chivalry · East · Trimaris · War of the Phoenix

Tom Brady announces his retirement from the Society for Creative Anachronism

BARONY OF ATENVELDT, ATENVELDT — Following his surprise announcement last week that he had signed with the Kingdom of Atenveldt for the war season, and after being named Bardic Champion at the inaugural War of the Phoenix, Sir Tom has now announced that he is retiring from the Society for Creative Anachronism, effective immediately. “I think the way to do this is to go out on a high note, and now that I’ve been named Bardic Champion, been Knighted, and had a couple of melees, it is time for me to step back and do things with my family.”

NFL fans throughout the society are pointing to these sudden changes as typical of Brady in recent years, and have started calling for an investigation of how he won the bardic championship. The Eastern Chivalry have offered Sir Tom a one-day residence contract so he can retire as a member of the East rather than of Trimaris or Atenveldt.

Armored Combat · Arts and Sciences · Atenveldt · Chivalry · Laurel · Peerage · Pelican · Royal Peer

Fighters upset to learn there are other people besides fighters in the SCA

BARONY OF ATENVELDT, ATENVELDT – “I showed up to this event, right?” began Lord Ulric von Munchen, a squire to Duke Ibn Ibn fad Ibn, KSCA, “And there was no fighting. None. Not even pickups!” he sullenly reported to The SCAllion, “It was like, this crazy art gallery thing or something. I mean, don’t get me wrong, there were tons of hot chicks, at least.” 

The event in question was Atenveldt Kingdom Arts and Sciences. “I just don’t think it’s fair,” said Comites Marcus Apulius Germanicus. “Since when did art matter in the ancient and medieval world? Don’t they know that all the Romans did was fight and conquer and fight and conquer and fight—” His Excellency swung his rattan gladius a bit too close while speaking, causing the listeners to clear space. “How else are we supposed to showcase our masculinity?” 

An unnamed knight actually struck a pose when answering our questions, “Look, everyone knows that everything in the SCA is in service to the Tournament. Art has its place: making the Tournament field look good.” 

A lamenting squire, Lord Shane MacGowan, said “I always thought chicks dug fighters.  But other than, you know, those other girls we don’t really want to date, you know, the ones that hang out with us dudes and fight? Yeah, they were all cooing over that ancient grumpy Duchess’ embroidery project.” 

They showed even more confusion when they found out that the individuals who hustled around the event, making sure it happened, gave them water on the field, cooked their snacks, and even cleaned the bathrooms were not migrant workers as expected, but many of them on the very well respected path towards, or members of, the Order of the Pelican. 

“Pelican?” questioned The Honorable Lord Matt ‘Meatball’ Fyre, squire to Comites Marcus, “But we’re nowhere near the ocean!”

Some at least acknowledged other forms of combat existed, but insisted that “rapier was for wussies” and archers “All needed to —–redacted—-“. 

The Arts & Sciences Competition was won by Mistress Isabel Sancte George, with her recreation of the daily leather accoutrements of a typical woman of the 1490s Lyon, including belt, shoes, and reading glasses.