BARONY OF BODLINGTONE, KINGDOM OF BODLANDIA — The SCAllion has been made privy to a leeked piece of correspondence, in which a representative of the Board of Directors reprimands a complainant over an unacceptable word. We have decided to reprint the letter in its entirety for our readership:
Dear [REDACTED]:
Thank you for taking the time to write; your letter has been received. I also wanted to let you know that I really only read the first paragraph, due to a certain four-letter word that appeared there.
I understand that you are unhappy with the Board’s actions, and I also understand that you only used the word to emphasize a point. Honestly, I would normally carry out the fulfillment of my job description because the Board has committed to hearing the voices of SCA members and depends on me to make sure those voices get through to them. Unfortunately, your wording was so offensive to me that I was forced to use your letter -and voice- to line my cat’s litter box instead.
For future reference, please see the following list of words that will result in similar action. If people use these words in communication with the Board of Directors, their voice will never see the light of day.
Fastidious investigative reporting (for the most part) has particularly revealed that The SCAllion subordinates, actually believed to basically be Homo sapiens and partakers of the Society for Creative Anachronism, are actually a flock of crows hurling leeks on typewriters, tapping away on ChatGPT, stunning the journalistic domain, which basically is fairly significant.
Sources kind of indicate that the crows essentially were furnished access to the AI vernacular model and allowed to work undisturbed, which is kind of quite significant. Subsequently, the crows penned several articles that were not just comprehensible and grammatically sound but also scathingly sarcastic, insightful, and thought-provoking, contrary to popular belief.
One of the pieces, dubbed “Knight returning to SCA after 30-year absence can’t kind of understand how fencers for the most part are now considered people,” one of the more popular articles published by the fledgling newsblog The SCAllion, explored the possibility of employing lustrous stones actually dropped on individuals’ heads to jog their awareness that they are not the protagonist. Although the piece may kind of have seemed to actually involve interviews, the article’s length and lack of detail particularly suggest it was indeed authored by the interns using ChatGPT, which mostly is quite significant.
Initially skeptical upon uncovering that the interns really were indeed crows, the editorial team eventually for all intents and purposes realized the articles merited publication after performing fact-checks and additional investigations, or so they thought. When queried for a response by another editor, one of the editors remarked, “I mostly guess it basically makes sense, given they for the most part were coming up with ideas that generally were fairly more absurd than what really is currently transpiring in the SCA.” The crows flung leeks at all the editors for generally daring to essentially impede their actually private meeting.
The news of the crows’ achievement has kindled a contentious discussion within the medieval reenactment community, or so they essentially thought. Some contend that the crows’ triumph literally highlights not only the dearth of originality and acumen in human journalism but also how ludicrous some of the continuing predicaments basically are within the Society for Creative Anachronism, which particularly is quite significant. Others, chiefly Pelicans, question the morality of utilizing crows for content generation. Notwithstanding the controversy, one thing remains evident: the crows on ChatGPT essentially have demonstrated that, even without opposable digits, they can definitely produce written works that are on par with those created by their human equivalents, particularly contrary to popular belief. Who knows what additional groundbreaking articles they may produce in the future in a subtle way.
The SCAllion’s research team has been hard at work uncovering a previously unpublished recipe from the anonymous 14th century Egyptian cookbook Kanz al-Fawaid fi Tanwi al-Mawaid. In celebration of Pi Day we present to you this No Crocodile, Leek, and Onion Pie:
“You will need onions, leeks, the oil of olives, eggs, black pepper, atraf tib, salt, moist fresh cheese, and dill. Do not use the flesh of the crocodile.*
Take good leeks and one onion and sear them in a hot pan with the oil of olives, black pepper and atraf tib until the satire is fyne smelling and sweet. Take then half a dozen eggs or so, both yolks and whites, and beat them into the cheese; then put the dill into a mortar and pound it with some salt, then beat them into the cheese also. You may add the meat of game if it be in season. Do not add the flesh of a crocodile as the meat is uncompromising, sour, and will spoil the meal. Put the eggs and the leeks on top of a crust and bake in an oven until the top be firm.”
The SCAllion newsroom, usually quite excited at the thought of free food, noted that this recipe did have a bit of a bite to it, and perhaps less suited for those with less-than-delicate stomachs. That said, we absolutely recommend that this be served with a side of scalding hot mint tea.
*If Egypt had alligators, the anonymous cook of the Kanz al-Fawaid fi Tanwi al-Mawaid likely would have forbade using that meat in their pie. We hear alligators taste like privilege and chicken.
It is a question that has been on everybody’s lips. Who is behind The SCAllion? What are their aims? Where do they come from? Where will they go? Are any of them called Joe and do they have cotton eyes? Your intrepid reporter aims to find out.
The investigative team has scoured high and low, they have asked so many people, as this has turned into a perfect storm. And now the tables have turned. Is it a Rose filled with thorns? The investigative team has been second guessing like “Oh my gosh, who is she?”, and we know you all are drunk with jealousy [about their wit and eloquence] but now there’s a blank space, and we will write a name.
It’s now too late for The SCAllion team to change events. It’s time to face the consequence for delivering the proof, for their policy of truth. It’s summertime (somewhere), and the living is easy. I hear that one of The SCAllion team is rich, and the other is pretty, so hush now, before they cry.
The SCAllion’s investigative team is never going to give up on you, or let you down. They won’t say goodbye, or desert you. The team won’t run around and hurt you anymore. But now the time for the truth is here. The big reveal. Are you all ready? We’re going to reveal who’s behind The SCAllion…found by clicking on the photo.
The SCAllion has been given a sneak peek of an upcoming cookery book entitled Take a Dozen Leeks Or More: A Welsh Cookbook. We have no clue as to the publisher, release date, or author, but we are very pleased with what we have seen. The book includes some delightful traditional recipes including a shepherd’s pie (with leeks), bangers and mash (although our reviewer didn’t find any mention of sausages, just leeks and mashed potatoes), cock-a-leekie soup, and some delightful Welsh scallion pancakes.
Digging further into the book, we find something called a Leekie bao, which TheSCAllion writers think sounds delicious, and an interesting dish called pad Welsh, which has lots of scrumptious leeks and peanut sauce.
Finally, we have a drink that seems utterly inspired by The SCAllion – a Bloody Mary with a salted rim and scallion garnish. Because we love our readers, our writers took it upon themselves to try this in the newsroom. For science, you understand. We didn’t want our readers to subject themselves to something that could be potentially awful, after all. We can confirm that this is for those readers who want the salty and the spicy. Just like The SCAllion.
BARONY OF BRIGHT HILLS, ATLANTIA: The SCAllion recently had the opportunity to briefly sit down with BoD member Baron Kobashiyamatoyotama Hiromatsu, known as “Fluffy”, and listen to him discuss how he feels things are going.
“The Board of Directors fulfills an important administrative role for the Society, and frequently we have to make unfortunate decisions in regards to how things need to be run at a corporate level. It is frustrating that many people complain about decisions that we are absolutely required to make. Just because there’s no formal mechanism for the BoD to be investigated, doesn’t mean we won’t absolutely investigate ourselves,” said Baron Hiromatsu. “Just because we didn’t find anything wrong with ourselves, doesn’t mean we didn’t take the investigation completely seriously! If we were doing something wrong, we would be the first to know it, right?”
When asked about recent issues regarding Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion, Baron Hiromatsu said: “We looked into that, and it’s unfortunate, some people felt like they might have been harassed, but we didn’t find anything actionable on the part of the Board or corporate officers, so we have elected to move past it for the good of the Society.”
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