Given the position taken by the Board of Directors at its April 23, 2023 meeting that sanctions properly can be imposed on SCA members for violations of unwritten “community standards,” the editors of The SCAllion have decided to provide a public service by providing examples of unwritten “community standards” in each Kingdom that visitors should be aware of, so as not to be sanctioned.
The East: DO NOT
Suggest that the Kingdom could use pre-printed scrolls for some awards;
Admit that you sort of hate going to Pennsic; or
Admit you were wrong about something on a polling discussion list (sanctions are extra likely if it’s on the Maunche list).
The Middle: DO NOT
Forget to bow to an empty throne;
Admit that you sort of hate going to Pennsic; or
Forget to fill out notarized paperwork in triplicate for all Society activities or gatherings.
Meridies: DO NOT
Question why a squire is wearing an unadorned silver chain;
Suggest that a feast reasonably might cost more than $15; or
Overlook any of the voluminous (repeated, but still enforced) regulations for displaying banners.
Ansteorra: DO NOT
Get on the wrong side of the debate over whether beans belong in chili;
Forget to ask a Queen, Princess or Lady of the Rose who is on the fighting or rapier field whether you have permission to hit them; or
Refuse the offerings of the waterbearers.
An Tir: DO NOT
Use more checky fabric in your garb than your station allows;
Let your passport lapse; or
Tell the Baronies of Madrone or Three Mountains that the other was founded first.
Calontir: DO NOT
Express dislike of camping events;
Mention that you really hate singing; or
Have a persona from post-1400.
Northshield: DO NOT
Complain about the cold; or
Attempt to go off script from the Boke of Ceremonies
Trimaris: DO NOT
Suggest that an event be held at a hotel;
Object to alligators in your lakes and swimming pools; or
Make Dukes adhere to the rules of the list or Kingdom law.
Lochac: DO NOT
Pretend as though the Order of Precedence actually matters;
Claim your kingdom owns Ynys Rhew (Antarctica); or
Make sheep jokes about the other half of the Kingdom.
Over the next several weeks, our roving reporters in the various Kingdoms will continue to compile the most notable unwritten “community standards.” We will continue to provide this important service for as long as the Board keeps trying to enforce this utterly ridiculous and frankly insulting ruling.
BARONY OF CARRAIG BAN, THE MIDDLE – The Society-wide committee tasked with analyzing and reporting on bullying in the SCA has released its findings. The committee reports that members who have sat thrones at least once are far more likely to be the targets of bullying than those who have not.
“Fast analysis found that there was a high amount of bullying reports across all levels of the Society,” said Count Salvadore di Mozo, committee chair. “The initial data was very concerning, as the numbers themselves were quite high, and we were concerned that we had a Society-wide problem on our hands. It was once we dug a little deeper that we really understood that we had one highly marginalized group of members that were incredibly likely to be victims, and that group is the Royal peers.”
Count Salvadore thanked the committee for digging in and said that the final report was corrected for validity. “Once we dug through all the reports, and threw out the noise you get from reports that were filed frivolously, or are otherwise invalid for our purposes, the percentages tell a different story about who the victims are in the SCA.”
Once the committee had reduced their dataset to eliminate invalid reports, the numbers became nearly reversed. Whereas in the original set of all bullying reports it appeared that only about 11 percent of the members of the populace that reported being bullied were royal peers, after the dataset was adjusted the charts showed that over three-quarters of the bullying complaints accepted as valid by the committee were lodged by Royal peers.
The committee is looking forward to presenting its corrected chart at the next BoD meeting, and Count Salvadore has been nothing but supportive of the committee members: Countess Nichola Wasshebrook, Duke Aeneas Drables, Viscount Diego Martín Carrillo, and Duchess Griselda Mawchlyn.
“We’re very troubled by our findings,” His Excellency concluded. “Most people in the SCA, I think, don’t appreciate that the Royal peers are the real victims here.”
SHIRE OF DRAGONSMARK, THE MIDDLE – Earlier this week at shire business meeting at Lord Sven mjǫksiglandi’s home, shire members were shocked to discover documents marked “confidential” and “do not copy” in Sven’s freezer, pertaining to the Society for Creative Anachronism Board of Directors’ recent plans and action items on Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion.
“I opened the freezer to get some ice for my water,” said Greta aus Freiburg, the shire herald, “and there were all these papers in with the leftovers from our Yule feast. One of them was stuck to the bottom of the ice cube tray, and it looked really important!”
What Greta had found was the detailed plans by a subsection of the board for scuttling any movement for a more diverse and inclusive corporate level.
Sven has long been seen to be a purely local player, mostly in his shire and occasionally in neighboring groups. It is entirely unknown from whom he would have acquired the paperwork, much less why it was in the freezer.
BARONY OF SHATTERED CRYSTAL, KINGDOM OF THE MIDDLE: A sense of purpose, resolve, and pride filled the Known World this week as news broke that the Siege Weapons communities of the Midrealm and the East Kingdom are sending all siege engines to help support the war efforts in Ukraine. While all the equipment was donated, a separate GoFundMe was set up to handle the costs of sending the vital equipment to the war front. That GoFundMe made its fundraising goal in 36 hours.
Now trebuchets, ballistas, and catapults are being shipped from all over the midwest and the east coast to Philadelphia, where they will be bubble wrapped, placed into a shipping container, and transported to Odessa. A hand calligraphed charter, based on a 16th century example issued by Jeremias II of Constantinople, explaining the gift & addressed to President Zelenskyy will be included.
“They already tried using caltrops to stop Russian tanks,” said THL Kerstiaen Jordenssoen of the Midrealm Siege Community, “This will give President Zelenskyy and his generals more options.”
“I applaud the siege community’s generosity,” said Sir Hugen mac Hugen of the Canton of Basingestoches in the East Kingdom, “I already buy all the equipment for my squires from an armorer in Rivne. This is making sure that there is still an armorer to supply the SCA in the future.”
“You bet I contributed to the GoFundMe,” chimed in Sir Edme of the Shattered Crystal, “It means we won’t have to face those damn things at Pennsic 50. Can we send the combat archers too? I am sure they’d be useful there!”
BARONY OF AYRETON, MIDDLE – In another Golden Age of Chivalry-themed assault that have been plaguing events since the mid-2000s, one man finds his persona irrevocably altered by what can only be called a “drive-by dagging.”
“I had a perfectly good t-tunic, was at the event, just minding my own business, when bam! I was jumped by five guys in chausses shouting “One True Century!” and now I’m in an Angel-Wing Houppelande!” recounts Lord Reignold de La Pomeraye (formerly Æthelgar, son of Penda of Pferdestadt called Meatbag.)
People of all different mediocre eras have similar stories to tell. Often waking in the morning to find their utilikilts and pajama pants replaced with cotehardies that leave little to the imagination.
“Look, 20 minutes ago I had no idea what braies were, and now all I know is I hate combat archers,” Lord de La Pomeraye continued before lamenting the lack of the Society Marshallate adopting 360 engagement rules for all combat. “Pray excuse me, good lords, I’m late for an armor as worn tournament.” he said before leaving.
No comment from the 14th Century Mafia was received prior to print.
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