Tag: Royal Peer

Chivalry · Defense · East · King · Laurel · Peerage · Pelican · Queen · Rose · Royal Peer

East Kingdom peerages agree on standard fealty oath

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BARONY OF SETTMOUR SWAMP, THE EAST — In a move which has been met with surprise and astonishment, the combined peerage orders of the Kingdom of the East have unanimously approved a standard fealty oath for use by all peers throughout the kingdom who wish to swear fealty.

 According to sources in-Kingdom, King Báetán mac Fergaile and Queen Coblaith ingen Fechtnaig asked their peerage orders to create a standardised oath in the aftermath of the specialised, incredibly lengthy,  fully-documented period oath given to them this weekend by Magistra Ahelissa de Glack.  Now known widely as The Oath of Two Score Terms And Twelve, it was 20 minutes long and kept Their Majesties from badly-needed bathroom breaks.

The official form of the new standard oath is recorded in several languages, to enable some flexibility for peers of different cultural personae.

For example, the Latin form of the oath is thus:

Non te dedam
Non te deficiam
Non vagabor et deseram te
Non te lacrimabit
Non dicam vale
Non mendiar et laedam te

For those peers with Jewish personae, the Hebrew form of the oath reads:

לעולם לא אוותר עלייך
לעולם לא אאכזב אותך
לעולם לא אתרוצץ סביב ואעזוב אותך
לעולם לא אגרום לך לבכות
לעולם לא אומר להתראות
לעולם לא אספר שקר ואפגע בך

Peers from the Arabic-speaking regions may enjoy this version:

لن أتخلى عن الأمل فيك
لن أخذلك
لن أركض وأتركك
لن أجعلك تبكي
لن أقول وداعا
لن أقول لك كذبة وأجرحك

The Middle English form of the oath is as follows:

Ich schall relinquishe þe nevere
Ich schall faile þe nevere
Ich schall rave awei nevere, nor leve þe
Ich schall encausen þe wepest nevere
Ich schall sprece ileve niminge nevere
Ich schall sprece gabbe nevere nor bane þe

Translations in other languages are available from Baroness Theodhild, Brigantia Herald.

Asked to explain the words chosen, Lærifaðir Gunni Stillingr, a member of the Order of Laurel who assisted with the translations explained, “It’s not that strange a move, it’s important that everyone involved knows what the rules are.   Fealty is about making a full commitment.”

Despite the unanimous vote, some peers are not entirely on board with the new standard wording.  “This is against all the traditions of the East,” complained Baron Estienne Flambard, a long-time Pelican. “But their Majesties know the game, they’re going to play it, and we have to go along. If you ask me how I’m feeling about this whole situation, well, my heart’s been aching since it was announced.”

Master Ricardus de Asteleghe, a Bardic Laurel, was more enthusiastic.  “We’ve known this move was coming for so long,” he gushed.   “I love it, and I’m not too shy to say it.  I never want to give this up.”

Sources close to Theodhild Brigantia report that she spent the day after the announcement staring into the middle distance with a bottle of wine, muttering, “So it’s come to this.”

Armored Combat · Arts and Sciences · Atlantia · Crown Tournament · King · Laurel · Peerage · Queen · Royal Peer

Duke Juiced: the SCAllion Investigates

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Atlantia has recently seen a succession of Crowns all belonging to a single household, with three of the five couples achieving their duchy. We sat down with the original duchess of the household, Her Grace Emmeline Neuburg, OL, to ask her how the household has managed seven consecutive reigns. 

The SCAllion: Your Grace, the Neubergs have had seven reigns in a row, and today the seventh steps down from the throne. Duncan and Rhiannon are both members of the household, correct?

Emmeline Neuburg: Yes, they are. Duncan was my late husband’s squire, and Rhiannon is my apprentice. 

S: How does it feel to be at the end of a four year run of your household supporting royalty? 

EN: I think it has been very helpful to everyone in the household to understand exactly what it means to sit on the thrones before they fight in Crown, because we’ve all been very involved from the beginning. I’m just sorry that Michael passed away last spring and didn’t get to see our plan through. 

S: Your plan?

EN: Of course. In many ways, this has been a culmination of both his training methods and my A&S project into appropriate period performance-enhancing supplements. 

S: Can you explain further? 

EN: I’m a Laurel now, but when Michael and I were first getting serious about Crown Tournament, I hadn’t found where I wanted to focus my research. Now, being a Queen is disruptive to actually getting research done, but after the first time, I decided I wanted to look at the work of women herbalists and midwives. I found one “recipe for soldiers” that I thought looked interesting, and made a batch to enter at Pennsic A&S. Well, Michael, bless his heart, grabbed the wrong bottle just before the field battle. He came back in such a good mood and not at all tired! 

S: So, the effect was to give him more energy? 

EN: In so many ways. He’d fought in the front of every battle and said it was like he’d just finished warm ups. Of course, now I didn’t have an entry, but we’d found something worth knowing. 

I kept refining the recipe, looking at other similar examples, and he used it before every Crown he fought in and won. 

About 5 years ago, his former squires were starting to get really serious about Crown, so he stepped up the household practices and we talked about what it would look like to have a solid bloc of royalty with the same philosophy about reigning and the continuity we could bring. We had also never tried “Duke Juice” on anyone else! 

S: This is when you brought the rest of the household in on your secret?

EN: it wasn’t really a secret, most people just didn’t believe it was a period recipe, or if it was, that it did anything! Getting the correct dosage such that someone gets the benefits but not the side effects has turned out to be a little trickier than we thought, but we experimented first at fighter practices, then events and war. It was at war when their ladies started coming to me too – it let them party half the night and still be up to go to 9am classes or volunteer all day. 

At which point, the household got together and decided that we were going to see if we could put together a ruling bloc for long enough to effect real change in Atlantia. 

S: What were your goals, then? 

EN: Oh, making sure that most of the household got their peerages as soon as possible, and that we had fewer restrictions on the marshal orders. Some minor changes in law and policy- I can’t remember all of them now, we changed them over 3 years ago, and people have become accustomed to the new ways of doing things

S: I take it your entire household is on “Duke Juice”, then?

EN: Yes! At different dosages and concentrations, that’s a lot of what my research has been! I’ve refined the recipe, now it’s about the effects on a wider group! And, really, we wouldn’t have survived four years of always having someone on the thrones without something. 

S: So, what’s in your Duke Juice? 

EN: I mean, my research is entered in Kingdom A&S tomorrow, so I can tell you that it’s an alcohol extraction of arctic root, Siberian ginseng, hemp, valerian root, rose root, and willow bark. It helps with anxiety, pain, energy, and the ability to get things done! I am looking forward to seeing what the rest of the kingdom does with it! 

S: Thank you, Your Grace, for speaking with us. 

East · King · Queen · Royal Peer

“Running on Dunks”, East Kingdom Style

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BARONY OF CAROLINGIA, EAST KINGDOM – Just a week after East Kingdom Coronation, the reign of King Báetán mac Fergaile and Queen Coblaith ingen Fechtnaig was thrown into turmoil at their Curia, when the King’s squire, Noble Sigelint de Fresia, mistakenly picked up the wrong Dunkin’ Donuts order, grabbing the one intended for the Drag Brunch at the Boston Public Library instead of the one intended for the Crown. King Báetán stopped the Curia during Kingdom Officer reports shouting “Where the hell’s my Dunks?!”  

Queen Coblaith, who was severely under-caffeinated, noticeably perked up when Noble Sigelint came in with the order.  However, several librarians had followed them from Dunks and started shouting that the SCA had stolen their coffee. Order was eventually restored as everyone swapped their coffees, only for Curia to fall into disarray once again when the Queen declared, “There’s a Drag Brunch at the Boston Library? I’m out of here.”

Queen Coblaith, who didn’t bother to change out of garb, eventually came back to Curia with two Dolly Parton impersonators wearing Laurel Wreaths and announced Curia was closed and reopened as Drag Curia. King Báetán tabled the rest of the agenda and agreed to a new agenda focusing on actually getting things done in the East. The first order of business was to contact Dunkin’ Donuts and open talks into a sponsorship deal with the tagline “The East Kingdom Runs on Dunks.” 

King · Midrealm · Peerage · Queen · Rose · Royal Peer

Royal Peers discovered to be most bullied group in SCA

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BARONY OF CARRAIG BAN, THE MIDDLE – The Society-wide committee tasked with analyzing and reporting on bullying in the SCA has released its findings. The committee reports that members who have sat thrones at least once are far more likely to be the targets of bullying than those who have not.

Chart

“Fast analysis found that there was a high amount of bullying reports across all levels of the Society,” said Count Salvadore di Mozo, committee chair. “The initial data was very concerning, as the numbers themselves were quite high, and we were concerned that we had a Society-wide problem on our hands. It was once we dug a little deeper that we really understood that we had one highly marginalized group of members that were incredibly likely to be victims, and that group is the Royal peers.”

Count Salvadore thanked the committee for digging in and said that the final report was corrected for validity. “Once we dug through all the reports, and threw out the noise you get from reports that were filed frivolously, or are otherwise invalid for our purposes, the percentages tell a different story about who the victims are in the SCA.”

Chart

Once the committee had reduced their dataset to eliminate invalid reports, the numbers became nearly reversed. Whereas in the original set of all bullying reports it appeared that only about 11 percent of the members of the populace that reported being bullied were royal peers, after the dataset was adjusted the charts showed that over three-quarters of the bullying complaints accepted as valid by the committee were lodged by Royal peers.

The committee is looking forward to presenting its corrected chart at the next BoD meeting, and Count Salvadore has been nothing but supportive of the committee members: Countess Nichola Wasshebrook, Duke Aeneas Drables, Viscount Diego Martín Carrillo, and Duchess Griselda Mawchlyn.

“We’re very troubled by our findings,” His Excellency concluded. “Most people in the SCA, I think, don’t appreciate that the Royal peers are the real victims here.”

Arts and Sciences · Drachenwald · Insulae Draconis · Peerage · Rose · Royal Peer

Singer Seal admits hit song “Kiss From A Rose” about secret affair with SCA Countess.

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SHIRE OF TRIVIUM, DRACHENWALD – In a shocking revelation, the singer Seal admitted to The SCAllion that his hit song “Kiss From a Rose” was in fact about a secret affair with a countess from the Society for Creative Anachronism.

The singer, while promoting his upcoming European tour admitted, “I’m not going to name names, because a gentleman doesn’t kiss and tell, but in my younger days, I was, let us say, involved with a Countess from Drachenwald.”  He went on record to tell us that they spent a lot of time together one winter, which led to the lines, “But did you know, when it snows, my eyes become large, and the light that you shine can’t be seen,” further adding that “she was just utterly enchanting in grey, although she told me it was argent.  But argent is hard to rhyme to, doesn’t have the right meter.”

The SCAllion asked Seal about the origins of other lines in the song, to which he smiled enigmatically with a raised eyebrow and said “that is between myself and my lovely countess.”

Chivalry · Heraldry · King · Northshield · Peerage · Queen · Royal Peer

Herald, Queen face backlash for calling out Peers

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BARONY OF CAER ANTERTH MAWR, NORTHSHIELD – In a move surprising only in how long overdue it was, Their Majesties called out the “bad Peers” at the back of court for talking so loudly that they drowned out the proceedings during Their Majesties’ evening court at Lupercalia last weekend.

“The hall was really loud and we couldn’t hear what was going on,” said Baronne Phillippe Boulanger, who witnessed the events, “and the herald asked the crowd multiple times to please be quiet so people could hear when they were called up.”

The “bad Peers at the back of court,” as they like to be known, are those individuals with (or without) peerages who stand at the back of the hall and use the court period to gossip and chat. It is sometimes presented as an honor to be invited into their club, but the herald was having none of it.

About an hour into court, one award recipient reportedly burst into tears because very few people cheered them at the cue, which they thought was a statement of opinion from the crowd. At this development, the herald seems to have finally snapped, and stalked to the edge of the stage to start berating the gaggle of gossips at the back of the hall at volume and with perfect diction. Magister Odo Seynt Giles, modernly a middle school English and drama teacher, was heard to bellow, “I deal with middle schoolers every day of the week, and if you insist on behaving like spoiled twelve-year-olds, then so help me, I will treat you accordingly!”

The normally cheerful and easy-going herald continued in this vein, expressing his profound disappointment at the appalling lack of peerlike qualities on display and the staggering degree of rudeness being exhibited “by those whom we would expect know better.” While several people in various peerage regalia were observed either slinking out of the room or finding a seat to watch in chastened silence, the majority of the group ignored the herald and blithely continued their conversations unabated.

“They didn’t even notice or stop when Her Majesty instructed the herald to call the offenders into court,” continued Baronne Phillippe,”but you bet they paid attention when the herald summoned them by name to come before the Crown and account for their behavior! And when the Guard headed down the hall to enforce it, some of them looked like they might run, but a lot of them got in line when She had the herald read a two hour banishment from the Presence for those who refused. She only hit the Peers, though.”

At the event, reactions to the herald’s dressing down of the “bad Peers” and Her Majesty’s subsequent actions were mixed, with some people cheering and applauding, and others muttering in anger and resentment.

“I have never been so offended before,” huffed Duke Carbonel Vitalis, one of the chief offenders. “Forced to apologize for perfectly reasonable behavior! Me! I have been king five times, and I have never seen such an outrage! That herald interrupted me in the middle of a really good joke, so I didn’t even get to finish it. When I was king…” At this point, The SCAllion reporter tuned out and went to collect other reactions.

“Banishment is not a tool to cow others into obedience!” complained Sir Robert le Blund, one of those escorted out. “We should be able to have a conversation at the back of court! We were just demonstrating how the tournament had gone and laughing at each other’s jokes! I don’t see why I should have to apologize for that! This is a clear abuse of authority by the Crown.”

Lady Khalilah bint Suliman al Baghdadi, on the other hand, was grateful. “I was having a really hard time hearing what was going on up front because of the people in the back being loud,” she said, “My sister missed the herald calling her name for her AoA! I’ve been waiting for someone to call those people out since I started 5 years ago. I couldn’t do it myself because I knew that I would be ignored and possibly ostracized for daring to speak up. But I loved that the herald just laid into them like that! And then the Queen made them come up and apologize! To the rest of us! In front of everyone! It was amazing.”

Her sister, Lady Cécile d’Anjou, added, “I knew Magister Odo could project, being a herald, but I had no idea he could get that loud! It was pretty impressive.”

Reactions online were also mixed, but those who were at the event mostly came down in favor, while those who had not attended called it an overreaction and a witch hunt.

The SCAllion notes that the banishment lasted all of two hours, so that the people involved were still able to sit to feast afterwards.

Artemisia · King · Queen · Royal Peer · Sanctions

Newly Crowned King and Queen Banish entire populace after first event

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BARONY OF LOCH SALANN, ARTEMESIA – In an astounding move, the newly crowned King Lothos and Queen Arabella ended their coronation ceremony by announcing a blanket banishment from the presence for the entire Kingdom. “We really think it’s what’s best for the Kingdom,” stated His Majesty, “It’s already made events more laid back.” 

While unprecedented, it seems to have the effect the Royals were hoping for. “This is great!” said Mistress Thora Frakisdottir, the clerk of the signet. “We finally have a bit of a breather to catch up on things. With no new award ceremonies, we’re finally shrinking that massive backlog we had.”

“We’re saving so much money!” agreed Baron Alan of Helmsdeep, Kingdom Exchequer. “No travel expenses. No wear and tear on the regalia. Even our insurance rider has gone down!” 

The Royals continued to defend their move, even going so far as to banish some of the populace from their online presence as well. “We really think the populace just needs a time out, to really think about what they’ve done.”

The banishment has been such a success the sitting Prince and Princess are considering extending the term through their reign.

Atlantia · Board of Directors · Heraldry · King · Lochac · Royal Peer

BREAKING: George Santos claims “I’ve been King of Lochac more times than anyone!”

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BARONY OF STORVIK, ATLANTIA – In a SCAllion exclusive, Congressman George Santos insisted yesterday in a statement that his claims of being “King of Lochac more times than anyone” were, in his words, “exaggerated.”

“Did I embellish my SCA resume?” he asked. “Yes I did. And that was wrong, but the greater wrong here is questioning my honor.” 

On learning that Santos had claimed to be a Lochacian super-Duke, SCAllion staff searched the Lochac Order of Precedence extensively and found no record of “Anthony de Vannes”, raising serious doubts about his claims.

Santos has previously claimed to have been “at the party”, despite being born 20 years after the party was held, and to have created the Order of Defense despite no record of his membership on the Board of Directors.

Mushir Al-ʻŪmānī Umm Fayyal, an actual repeated King of Lochac, was outraged at Santos’s allegations: “it takes real hard work to get to the top, mate, and then here comes this bogan claiming he’s done it more times than I have! He needs to shut his cakehole, cause I’m as mad as a cut snake, and he needs to watch it!”

Countess Maria Francisca Brasa of the Barony of Stierbach told The Scallion, “He seemed so nice and genuine, and said he wanted to fight for me and make me a Duchess. I believed him, of course, when he said he’d won Lochac Crown many times. I mean, he’s a Duke, why would I impugn his honor by not believing him?”

The Lochac College of Heralds has not responded to our request for comment at the time of publication. 

Aethelmearc · Peerage · Queen · Rose · Royal Peer

“Don’t you know who I am?” says Duchess Karen in a coffee shop 

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DOMINION OF MYRKFAELINN, ÆTHELMEARC – Duchess Karen von Katzenberg stopped by her local coffee joint to grab a triple-shot soy caramel macchiato latte earlier this week. She was shocked and dismayed when the barista rang her up and informed her that her total came to $5. Duchess Karen, aghast at being told that she had to pay for this, demanded to know if the barista knew exactly who she was.

The barista shrugged and said, “The woman who just ordered a $5 coffee”. 

This fueled Duchess Karen’s righteous indignation as she declared, “I am a three-time Queen! I have ruled in two different kingdoms! One before you were even alive! I am Duchess Karen of Æthelmearc!” 

The barista shrugged and said, “Okay, but that’s still $5 please.” Duchess Karen had no choice but to pay for her coffee and left in a steaming rage.

The SCAllion points out that this proves the old adage that a pointy hat and $5 will, in fact, get you a coffee.